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By Christine Murray
Life as a survivor of abuse can feel overwhelming, chaotic, and confusing at times. The layers of complications stemming from the abuse—such as emotional, financial, legal, or relational—can touch nearly every aspect of life, making the healing journey feel daunting. It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed at various points along the healing journey. You may be navigating multiple challenges, from mental health struggles and parenting concerns to financial instability, career challenges, and re-establishing boundaries with friends or family members. Whether you’re newly beginning your healing journey or well into the process, the sheer complexity of recovery can make it difficult to know where to start. In this blog post, I want to suggest the concept of simplicity as a guiding principle that might be helpful along the healing journey. Focusing on simplicity can help counteract the chaos and confusion that abuse often leaves in its wake, providing a sense of clarity and direction as you move toward healing and recovery in different areas of your life. The Challenge of Embracing Simplicity For many survivors, simplicity may not come naturally. Abusers often thrive on creating confusion and drama, such as by using manipulation to gain and maintain control. This dynamic can persist even after the relationship ends, especially in cases of post-separation abuse. As a result, chaos and complexity may start to feel like a normal, even expected, part of life. If you can relate to this, shifting toward simplicity might feel foreign or even uncomfortable. The unpredictability of an abusive relationship may have led you to brace for complications at every turn. However, recognizing this pattern is a powerful first step toward reclaiming peace and control in your life. A Personal Reflection on Simplicity In my own life, the confusion and manipulation I experienced both during and after my abusive relationship left me feeling like complexity and tension were the norm. Even though I recognized the challenges I was facing as stressful, I didn’t immediately realize how much the complexity had infiltrated my thinking and daily life. It took an intentional effort to pause, reflect, and actively choose a different path—one that prioritized simplicity and peace. I won’t claim that this process was easy or fast, and I recognize that simplicity may not be the right guiding principle for every survivor. However, I encourage you to reflect on whether chaos and complexity have become unwelcome but steady companions in your life. If so, consider whether embracing simplicity could help create a sense of steadiness and empowerment in your healing journey. What Does Simplicity Look Like? At its core, simplicity is about reducing unnecessary complications and focusing on what truly matters. It doesn’t mean eliminating all challenges in life—some complexities are unavoidable—but rather aiming to find ways to build a life that is as manageable and peaceful as possible. Here are a few ways to consider applying simplicity as a guiding principle in the healing journey as a survivor: 1. Clarify Your Priorities: Instead of trying to change every aspect of your life at once, identify one or two key areas to focus on. Healing is a long-term process, and progress doesn’t happen all at once. You might have concerns spanning mental health, career, parenting, friendships, and finances—but trying to address all of these areas at once can lead to exhaustion. Prioritizing just one or two areas at a time can help make progress feel more achievable. 2. Streamline Decision-Making: Decision fatigue is real, especially for survivors navigating complex situations. Simplify where you can—whether it’s limiting your choices in daily routines, setting firm but clear boundaries, or breaking big decisions into smaller, more manageable steps. 3. Reduce Mental Clutter: If you find yourself caught in overthinking patterns, try grounding techniques, journaling, or working with a professional counselor to help calm your inner dialogue. Practicing mindfulness or setting designated “worry times” can also help contain anxious thoughts, making space for more peace. 4. Simplify Financial Recovery: Financial abuse is common in abusive relationships, and rebuilding financial stability in an abusive relationship can feel overwhelming. In our recent book Financial Abuse Recovery, we discuss how simplicity can be a powerful tool in this process. For example, rather than feeling pressured to master complex financial strategies, start with the basics: opening a single checking account, creating a basic budget, and setting small, attainable savings goals. 5. Embrace Small, Sustainable Steps: Healing is not about giant leaps; often, the most meaningful progress comes from small, consistent efforts. Choosing simplicity means letting go of unrealistic expectations and recognizing that even small steps forward are valuable. The Power of Letting Go While simplicity is a helpful guiding principle, it’s also important to be kind to yourself along the way. Healing from abuse is inherently complex, and striving for a completely uncomplicated life isn’t likely to be realistic. Instead, think of simplicity as a spectrum—one you’re gradually moving toward, not a perfect state you must immediately achieve. Give yourself grace and patience as you work through this process. If simplifying certain aspects of your life brings more ease and clarity, embrace it. But if some areas remain complicated despite your best efforts, remember that healing is not about perfection—it’s about progress. If simplicity resonates with you, consider ways to incorporate it into your healing journey. Take time to reflect on areas where you can reduce complexity, establish priorities, and cultivate peace. Every survivor’s path is unique, so tailor this approach in a way that feels most supportive to you. Above all, remember that healing is possible, and by choosing to focus on what truly matters, you can build a life that feels more peaceful, intentional, and empowering.
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By Christine Murray
For survivors of abusive relationships, unfairness can feel like a harsh reality and a deeply personal experience. The injustice of abuse itself is undeniable—offering love, kindness, and support in a relationship only to be met with pain and harm is profoundly unfair. But beyond that, survivors often encounter additional layers of unfairness, both during the abusive relationship and throughout the healing journey. As someone who has navigated my own healing journey and worked closely with many survivors, I have seen how this sense of unfairness can be overwhelming. It’s not just about what happened in the past—it’s about the lingering consequences that often don’t seem to impact the abuser in the same way. Recognizing and processing these feelings is an important part of healing for many survivors. In this post, we’ll explore some of the common injustices survivors face and strategies for managing the emotions that arise from them. Recognizing the Many Forms of Unfairness There are countless ways that unfairness manifests in the context of current or former abusive relationships. Here are some of the most common:
Processing and Managing the Emotions That Come with Unfairness Acknowledging any injustices you have faced is an important step in the healing process. Ignoring or suppressing these experiences and associated feelings can create barriers to healing. Below are some potentially helpful strategies to process and move forward: 1. Validate Your Feelings and Experiences It’s okay to acknowledge that what happened was not fair. You don’t have to downplay your feelings or pretend that everything is fine. Permit yourself to say, “This was unjust, and I deserved better.” Having supportive people who affirm your experiences—whether trusted friends, family members, or a counselor—can be incredibly healing. Affirmations can also help reinforce self-validation:
2. Allow Yourself to Fully Process Your Emotions Unfairness can stir up intense emotions—anger, sadness, disbelief, and even rage. These feelings are valid, and working through them is essential. Find safe ways to process your emotions, such as:
If you’d like to explore more about navigating the emotional roller coaster of healing, check out our past blog post on this topic. 3. Channel the Unfairness into Positive Action While you may not be able to change what happened to you, you might consider channeling your frustrations about the unfairness into positive action. Many survivors find empowerment by:
That said, always ensure that giving back doesn’t come at the cost of your own well-being. If advocacy or helping others becomes overwhelming or triggering, it’s okay to step back and prioritize your healing. 4. Seek Lessons and Empowering Decisions While no one should have to “learn” from an unjust experience, seeking lessons can sometimes be a way to regain a sense of control. For example:
Seeking lessons isn’t about minimizing the pain of what happened—it’s about reclaiming your power and creating a future that feels safer and more aligned with your needs. Moving Forward with Strength and Self-Compassion Survivors of abuse often carry heavy burdens of injustice. While we can’t always change what happened, we can choose how we process and respond to it. Healing is about finding ways to acknowledge what was unfair, give ourselves grace in the process, and take steps toward a life that feels more stable, empowered, and fulfilling. Remember, you are not alone. There is strength in facing these emotions and wisdom in seeking paths forward that honor your healing. You deserve fairness, justice, and peace, even if the journey toward them feels long. And most importantly, you deserve kindness—from yourself and from those who truly support you. If you need support, consider reaching out to a counselor, support group, or trusted loved ones. Healing is possible, and you deserve to move forward in a way that brings you peace. By Christine Murray
If you’ve been in an abusive relationship, it’s likely you are no stranger to the experience of having your personal boundaries violated. Because abusers are so focused on gaining power and control over their partners, they typically have little regard for honoring and respecting their victims’ boundaries. For this reason, many survivors find that a key challenge in healing from an abusive relationship is learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries in different areas of their lives. This may include navigating interactions with a former abuser, especially in cases of shared custody. However, the need to set and maintain healthy boundaries can show up in other relationships during the healing process as well. This might include with friends and family members, in the workplace, and in new romantic relationships if and when you’re ready to start dating again. If you’re interested in a quick overview of healthy vs. unhealthy boundaries, I invite you to check out this YouTube video developed through the Healthy Relationships Initiative that I coordinate: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3A_4GCAozVk. It’s just a couple of minutes long, but it’s proven to be a popular resource for learning some simple tips about healthy boundaries in relationships. Setting healthy boundaries is an important step toward fostering healthy relationships in our lives, but it’s not always easy. Effective verbal and nonverbal communication strategies are important for establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries. Once we begin to become clearer about how we want our boundaries to look and feel in our relationships, we need to intentionally communicate those wishes to others. This is especially true if we have been allowing unhealthy boundaries and other dynamics to exist without addressing any concerns previously. For many people, communicating directly about relationship boundaries can be quite uncomfortable. It may feel demanding or uncomfortable to be speaking so directly about our own needs in relationships. Therefore, it is important to reflect on communication strategies that feel as comfortable as possible to you and that reflect your preferred language and communication style. This includes both verbal (i.e., speaking directly with the other person using words) and nonverbal (i.e., your body language, as well as unspoken actions like not answering the phone if someone calls you later than you’ve asked them to stop calling) communication strategies. Once you’ve communicated your boundaries to others, it’s important to stay alert and be proactive about addressing any potential boundary violations that may occur. When another person violates your boundaries, this can give rise to a lot of powerful emotions and thoughts. It is important to take time to process these responses so that you can take care of yourself while also figuring out the healthiest possible way to respond and move forward. Below, you will find a series of questions that you can use to process your feelings, thoughts, and experiences in the aftermath of a boundary violation. For now, think of one recent example of a boundary violation you faced, and answer the questions. You can return to the same set of questions to help process any future boundary violations you may face as well.
Overall, clear, healthy boundaries are so critical for the overall health of our relationships. Most likely, if you have faced an abusive relationship, you know the pain and drama that can arise when another person violates your boundaries, as well as how difficult it can be to set and maintain a healthy boundary with a difficult person. It can take time to learn effective strategies to set and maintain healthy boundaries in different relationships in our lives. Remember, you are worthy of safe, healthy relationships. With time, you can continue developing the skills and tools needed to nurture them on your healing journey. By Christine Murray
Counseling can offer many potential benefits for survivors of abusive relationships. For example, counseling can help survivors process their memories and experiences, learn coping skills, gain a sense of understanding and validation, and work through related challenges and impacts of the abusive relationship on many areas of their lives. Unfortunately, however, many survivors find it difficult to find a counselor who has the right training, experience, and understanding of the dynamics of abusive relationships. I’ve worked in the counseling field for over two decades now, and I believe that the mental health professions in general have come a long way over the past couple of decades in terms of growing in recognition of the impact of traumatic experiences. At the same time, I still think that few too many mental health professionals receive in-depth training in the dynamics involved in abusive relationships. Training on this topic is not often covered in depth in graduate school training programs, so many mental health professionals need to seek out this information and training as part of their continuing education throughout their careers, assuming they or their employers recognize the need for this training. There is a general shortage of mental health professionals in general in many communities across the U.S. and the world. In addition, there is often an especially limited number of specialized mental health professionals in communities who have the unique combination of training, experience, and deep understanding of the dynamics of abusive relationships to equip them to work with survivors. Because counseling can be such a valuable source of support for many survivors, it’s important for survivors to be equipped with the information and tools to help them connect with mental health services when needed. Here in this post for The Source for Survivors, I hope to offer some encouragement and practical steps that survivors can take if they want to explore counseling as a potential source of support along their healing journey. First, remember that counseling isn’t the only possible source of healing, and it may not make sense for all survivors and at all points in your healing journey. I always think of counseling as one of many possible tools, strategies, and resources that can be valuable for survivors. I do believe counseling can be extremely valuable, and I’ve seen this through my work as a counselor and counseling professor, as well as in my own life and through my own experiences as a counseling client at different points in my healing journey. If you’re considering seeking out counseling, take time to reflect on whether this would be helpful to you now, what your hopes and goals would be for counseling, and what qualities you’d like to find in a prospective counselor. Second, be intentional about seeking out a qualified counselor who possesses the qualities that you’re looking for. I think it can be wise to “cast a wide net” in your search for the right counselor for you, right now. For example, seek personal recommendations from people (who you can trust) in your network. You might consider contacting the local or state-level agencies (e.g., a domestic violence victim service agency or statewide domestic violence coalition) in your area that serve victims of domestic violence and other forms of abusive relationships and asking them for a recommendation of which counselors they trust and refer their client to. You can also consider searching mental health professional databases, such as Psychology Today, and using the filters to hone in on the qualities and areas of expertise that you’re looking for. Third, empower yourself to ask questions and seek out information to help you decide if a particular counselor is the right fit for you. Previously, I wrote a blog post for our See the Triumph campaign that included questions that survivors can ask prospective counselors to learn about their experience and approach to working with clients who have had experiences in an abusive relationship. I invite you to check out that post to see the checklist we shared through See the Triumph, as this was always a popular post on the See the Triumph blog. It can take some time to find the right counselor for you, so know that you may need to consult with a few different professionals before you find the one that feels like the right fit. Fourth, seek out additional resources and information to help reduce barriers to accessing counseling and other mental health resources and supports. Financial barriers can be a huge issue for many survivors. If you lack insurance coverage and can’t access counseling for that reason, consider reaching out to domestic violence advocacy agencies and see if they have any low-cost mental health resources, or perhaps they are aware of funding sources to help survivors without insurance gain access to counseling. If you happen to live near a college or university that has mental health professional training programs (e.g., psychology, counseling, or marriage and family therapy), contact these departments to see if they offer a low-cost clinic for local community members. Another possible source of counseling could be through an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) through your employer. Finally, know that there are free, 24/7 resources, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline and the 9-8-8 Mental Health Lifeline. Although these crisis lines may not be able to offer long-term counseling, they can provide immediate support if you become overwhelmed and need some extra support, and they also may have referral resources to help you connect with additional sources of support. As a long-time counselor, I am a big fan of the potential growth and healing that can happen through counseling. At the same time, I know that finding the right counseling can be tricky. If you’re seeking counseling now or at some point in the future along your healing journey, be intentional in seeking out the right support - and remember that you are worthy of surrounding yourself with helpful supporters as you heal and grow.  By Christine Murray
As a survivor of an abusive relationship, it’s natural to spend a lot of time reflecting on your experiences in relationships with others--including your abuser, as well as other people in your life like your family members, friends, and perhaps professionals from whom you sought support related to your abusive relationship. You may also spend time thinking about potential future romantic relationships, like whether and when you may want to start dating again or how to build a healthy romantic relationship after you’ve experienced an unhealthy, unsafe one. There is a lot of potential value in reflecting on your experiences in relationships with others, but there is one other relationship that’s important to give your time, care, and attention: Your relationship with yourself. Having a healthy relationship with yourself can increase the health of your relationships with others because how you view yourself impacts how you show up in your relationships with others. Today, we’re debuting our newest free Source for Survivors resource: Our Strengthening My Relationship with Myself Worksheets. You can download these for free by visiting this website: Source for Survivors Strengthening My Relationship with Myself Worksheets. This resource includes 3 worksheets: (1) Reflection questions to examine the current quality of your relationship with yourself; (2) A self-rating exercise to consider how your relationship with yourself impacts how you show up in your relationships with others; and (3) An opportunity to write a self-supporting letter to yourself. We hope you’ll find this to be a helpful resource along your healing journey. If you choose to complete these worksheets, we hope they will foster a better understanding of the importance of your relationship with yourself, as well as help you identify ways you can strengthen it. By Christine Murray
The stories of survivors of abusive relationships are so powerful. They can educate, inspire, and foster connection. For survivors of intimate partner violence, sharing one’s story can be a transformative experience—both personally and in its potential to impact others. However, sharing a personal story of surviving abuse is a deeply personal decision that comes with both opportunities and challenges. Taking time to reflect on this decision and plan thoughtfully can help ensure the process feels empowering and safe. The Power of Telling Your Story Many survivors find that expressing their experiences, whether privately or publicly, can play a significant role in their healing journey. Stories have the power to challenge stigma, educate others about the realities of abuse, and inspire those who are currently navigating difficult circumstances. They can help create a world where survivors feel seen, supported, and understood. However, deciding to share your story with others--whether publicly or privately--is a significant choice. While it can be empowering, it is also essential to consider potential risks and challenges. For example, sharing your story publicly may expose you to judgment, misunderstandings, or even safety concerns if your abuser remains a threat. It’s important to assess your emotional readiness, your support system, and any potential consequences before deciding to share your story. Equally valid is the potential decision not to share. Survivors have the right to protect their privacy and prioritize their safety. If you choose to share, the key is to do so on your terms, in ways that feel safe and meaningful to you. Different Ways to Share Your Story There is no single “right way” to share your story as a survivor of abuse. Each survivor’s journey is unique, and how you tell your story should reflect your comfort level, personal goals, and circumstances. Here are a few ways you might consider sharing:
Tips for Sharing Your Story Safely and Meaningfully Prioritize Your Safety: If there is any risk of retaliation or harm from your abuser, take steps to protect your safety. This may include using pseudonyms, sharing anonymously, or delaying your decision to share. Set Boundaries: Decide in advance what parts of your story you are comfortable sharing and what you prefer to keep private. You are in control of your narrative. Seek Support: Before and after sharing, connect with trusted individuals who can provide encouragement and understanding. Processing your feelings with a therapist or a support group can be especially helpful. Pace Yourself: Sharing your story can be emotionally taxing. Allow yourself time to process your emotions and take breaks if needed. Honoring the Stories of Survivors Every survivor’s story is unique, important, and worthy of being heard. Sharing your story—whether privately or publicly—can be an act of courage and resilience. There is power in our stories as survivors to heal, educate, and inspire. By honoring your story and sharing it in ways that feel right for you, you contribute to a world where survivors are seen, supported, and celebrated. Remember, the decision to share your story is entirely yours. Whether you choose to speak publicly, write privately, or simply hold your story in your heart, know that your story matters and your voice is powerful. Note: Portions of this blog post have been adapted from previous posts that I wrote for our See the Triumph campaign’s Collection: Every Survivor Has a Story. By Christine Murray
When breakups happen, especially after a long-term relationship, it’s common for friends and family to feel divided. Some people may choose sides, while others attempt to maintain connections with both parties. This is already complex in any breakup, but when the relationship was abusive, these dynamics become even more challenging. If you’re a survivor of an abusive relationship, navigating your emotions and relationships when people you care about remain connected to your abuser can feel overwhelming and confusing. It may leave you questioning who you can trust, how you can feel safe, and how to move forward. This post explores why these situations are so complicated, how to process your emotions, and steps you can take to set boundaries that prioritize your well-being during your healing journey, regardless of who stays in your corner. Why This Feels So Complicated Even in non-abusive breakups, seeing people stay connected to an ex can bring feelings of discomfort, sadness, or betrayal. These feelings are valid and understandable. However, when the relationship was abusive, the situation often carries additional layers of complexity. One reason is that when people remain connected to your abuser, it can feel as though your experiences are being invalidated. People you have cared about and trusted might say things like, “They don’t seem that bad,” or, “I could never picture them acting like that.” Abusers often present a charming and kind persona to others, which may lead some of your connections to doubt your experiences or unintentionally minimize your pain. Additionally, abusers may actively try to harm your reputation by spreading lies, manipulating mutual friends, or painting you in a negative light. This can lead to mutual connections unknowingly—or even knowingly—participating in the harm. They might pass along information to your abuser, make hurtful comments, or betray your trust. These dynamics can make it feel impossible to know who to trust and may even create safety concerns. It’s no wonder these situations can feel deeply personal and painful. What You Can Do If you’re facing this challenge, remember that you have the power to make decisions that prioritize your safety and well-being, and your own well-being can be your top priority as you consider whether and how to interact with other people. Here are some practical considerations to navigate these complex circumstances: 1. Empower Yourself to Make Decisions that Support Your Healing: It’s your right to decide who has access to your life, energy, and trust. You might consider filtering your relationships into categories like the following: Those you’ll keep, those you’ll limit, and those you’ll cut. 2. Prioritize Safety and Trust: Trust is earned, especially in the aftermath of an abusive relationship. Take things slow with people you choose to keep in your life, sharing your concerns and setting boundaries. For example, you might say, “You may not see my ex the same way that I seem them, but I know what I experienced, and I need to make decisions for my safety and well-being.” If someone disregards your boundaries, it’s okay to step back. 3. Adjust Social Media Access: Social media can be a tool for maintaining or changing boundaries. Unfriend or block individuals if needed. You can also adjust your social media privacy settings to limit who can see your posts and updates. 4. Grieve Losses: It’s understandable to feel sadness over lost or more distant connections. Allow yourself time to grieve these changes as you move forward. 5. Be Cautious with Information Sharing: Limit what you share, especially with mutual connections. Be mindful of how and when you post online, as information can unintentionally make its way back to your abuser. Keep your safety and well-being at the top of your mind as you consider what to share and what to keep private. 6. Focus on Supportive Relationships: Pour your energy into connections that feel safe and uplifting. Especially if some relationships have fallen away, aim to build new, healthy, and supportive relationships that reflect the life you’re creating—one free from abuse. 7. Give It Time: The initial aftermath of a breakup can be volatile, but with time, other people who at first seem to gravitate toward your abuser may come to see the truth of your experience. Be patient with yourself and others as you navigate these changes. Creating a New Life Navigating relationships with people connected to your abuser is undoubtedly challenging, but it’s an opportunity to refocus your energy on what truly matters: Your healing and growth. Each step you take to set boundaries, protect your well-being, and build supportive relationships brings you closer to healing and empowerment. As you move forward, remember that your worth is not defined by others’ choices or opinions. You are strong, capable, and deserving of connections that honor and respect your journey. With time, patience, and self-compassion, you can create a life and social support network that is filled with safety, trust, and joy. By Christine Murray
February is often thought of as the month of love, making it a meaningful time to reflect on relationships. For survivors who are interested in reentering the dating world after surviving an abusive relationship, the journey can be filled with mixed emotions—hope, excitement, and sometimes fear or uncertainty. This post is the first in a two-part mini-series leading up to Valentine's Day. Today, I’ll focus on survivors who are considering dating again, and next week, we’ll explore how dating partners can support someone with a history of abuse. Before diving in, it’s essential to note that dating isn’t a requirement for healing. Some survivors choose—temporarily or permanently—not to reenter the dating world, focusing instead on fostering connections and relationships with family, friends, and themselves. This decision is valid and deeply personal. If dating doesn’t feel right for you (now or ever), that’s okay. However, if you are considering dating, let’s consider how to approach this new chapter with care and confidence. 1. Are You Ready? There’s no universal timeline for knowing when you’re ready to date again. Some survivors find they need time to heal and rebuild their sense of self before exploring new connections. Others may feel ready sooner, especially if they’ve done significant emotional work during or after the abusive relationship. Ask yourself:
It’s important to reflect on your current emotional state and readiness. If self-doubt or unresolved pain arises, consider focusing on personal healing or seeking support before jumping into dating. 2. Define Your Approach Think about what dating might look like for you. Are you open to meeting someone organically—through work, community activities, or mutual friends? Or do you feel open to actively seeking a partner using dating apps or other intentional methods? Neither approach is necessarily better than the other; what matters is choosing what feels comfortable and safe for you. Be prepared for the potential of receiving well-meaning advice from friends or family about how to date, but remember: You’re in charge of how you approach dating. It’s okay to set boundaries and decide which suggestions resonate with you. 3. Build Your Support System Navigating the dating world is often easier with trusted friends or family members in your corner. Share your hopes and concerns with a few close, supportive people you trust, and invite them to provide feedback as you get to know potential partners. They can offer valuable perspectives, especially if you find yourself caught up in early romantic excitement. It’s also helpful to establish boundaries for yourself. Know what red flags you won’t tolerate and ensure you’re prepared to walk away from someone who doesn’t align with your vision of a healthy relationship. 4. Take It Slow As you reenter the dating scene, consider how much you want to share about your past experiences with abuse—and when. Your story is yours to tell, and you should only share it if and when you feel comfortable and safe. Early in a relationship, focus on getting to know the other person’s values, character, and communication style before diving into deeply personal topics. Remember, taking it slow applies to getting to know your date as well. Allow time to observe their behavior and ensure their actions align with their words. Building trust takes time, and there’s no need to rush. 5. Focus on Fun and Self-Discovery Dating after abuse can feel daunting, but it’s also an opportunity for growth and joy. Allow yourself to approach this experience with curiosity. Every date doesn’t need to lead to the outcome you’re hoping for, whether that’s a long-term relationship or even a more short-term connection. Instead, see dating as a chance to learn about yourself—your likes, dislikes, and non-negotiables—and to enjoy the process of meeting new people. Look for someone who makes you feel safe, supported, and excited. If the relationship doesn’t work out, remember that it’s part of the process. Keep moving forward toward the vision you have for your life and love. Final Thoughts Dating again after an abusive relationship is a deeply personal decision. Whether you’re taking your first steps back into the dating world or simply contemplating the idea, trust yourself to navigate this journey at your own pace. With time, patience, and a commitment to self-care, you can approach dating as an opportunity to further your healing, rediscover yourself, and embrace the possibility of a healthy, loving relationship. Take care of yourself, lean on your support system, and know that you’re worthy of the love and kindness you seek. By Christine Murray
Abusive relationships can take a major toll on survivors’ sense of self-worth and sense of hope for a brighter future. The abusers’ harmful words and actions, and the overall dynamics in these relationships, can deeply impact how you view and care for yourself, sometimes lingering long after the relationship has ended. Taking time to reflect on these experiences can help you identify the ways they’ve shaped your self-esteem, while also offering insights to support your healing and reclaiming your sense of self. Below are some reflection questions designed to help you examine how abusive relationship experiences have affected your ability to love and honor yourself. Use these prompts as a starting point for gentle self-exploration, journaling, or even conversations with a trusted therapist or support group. Reflection Questions
Healing from an abusive relationship is not an easy, linear process, and you don’t have to do it all at once. As you work through these questions, give yourself grace and acknowledge your progress. Your journey toward rebuilding self-love and self-worth is deeply personal. By taking even small steps to care for yourself, you are reclaiming your sense of identity and honoring the resilient person you are. By Christine Murray
Recently, my colleague and I, Eileen Martin, released our new book, Financial Abuse Recovery: Financial Healing & Empowerment After Surviving an Abusive Relationship. This book had been on my heart to write for years before we actually started working on it over a year ago. Even if you never buy the book, you can check out the book’s website for an extensive list of resources related to financial empowerment for survivors: www.sourceforsurvivors.info/financialabuse. In today’s blog post, I want to share the reasons why the topic of financial recovery for survivors has been burning in my heart for so long that I just *had* to bring this book to life. There were two main lenses through which I learned about the powerful role that financial empowerment can play in survivors’ healing journeys. First, I saw this in my own personal healing journey, and second, I’ve seen repeatedly in my work as a counselor and advocate how closely survivors’ financial well-being is related to their overall healing and well-being. My Personal Journey Healing from my past abusive relationship has been an ongoing journey for many years. That relationship had a significant impact on my finances for many reasons. Beyond the financial strain, the psychological toll of financial abuse, gaslighting, and manipulation left me questioning my confidence and judgment in financial matters. I hadn’t received much formal education on personal finances in school, so when I began taking steps to rebuild my life, I felt like I was wandering in the dark at first. I dove headfirst into learning everything I could—reading books and magazines, listening to personal finance podcasts, and experimenting through trial and error. What started as a necessity quickly grew into a passion. As I learned more about how to manage money, I began to see clear connections between personal finance and the process of abuse recovery. Financial empowerment became not just a practical tool for stabilizing my life, but also a deeply personal source of healing. Setting goals, mapping out plans, and tracking my progress helped me regain a sense of control and confidence. Each small step—whether paying off debt, saving for my sons’ education, or investing for the future—felt like reclaiming a positive future for myself and my children. This personal journey taught me that financial empowerment isn’t just about numbers. It’s about freedom, choices, and the ability to create a life aligned with your values and dreams. Lessons from Working with Survivors As a counselor, researcher, and advocate, I’ve seen time and again how closely financial recovery is tied to overall healing for survivors of abuse. The writing of this book was inspired by seeing the financial challenges and triumphs of many fellow survivors, and the book aims to address some of the most pressing challenges survivors face in achieving financial independence and security. We wrote this book with three key messages in mind:
If you’re interested in learning more about financial empowerment and recovery for survivors, visit the resources compiled on our book’s website: www.sourceforsurvivors.info/financialabuse. Wherever you are in your journey, know that financial healing is possible. Every step you take toward financial empowerment—no matter how small—can be a step toward reclaiming your freedom, confidence, and sense of control over your life. Note: Portions of this blog post have been adapted from the Financial Abuse Recovery book. |
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