Understanding and Overcoming Isolation as a Survivor of Abuse

By Christine Murray

“The soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone.” —Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe 

While there can be beauty in moments of solitude, loneliness and isolation are often a different story, especially for people who deeply crave positive, healthy sources of connection with others.

Feeling deeply isolated is a common experience for survivors of abusive relationships, both during and after the relationship ends. You might find yourself looking around and realizing that many of your past relationships have fallen away, leaving you feeling very alone. This sense of isolation is normal and understandable, stemming from the dynamics of abuse that often include isolation as a tactic.

Isolation as an Abuse Tactic

Abusers frequently use isolation as a means of gaining power and control over their partners. By cutting off their partners from friends, family, and support networks, abusers create an environment where their harmful behaviors can go unchecked.

Signs that isolation may have been used against you include being kept from seeing your friends or family, having your relationships disparaged, or being physically moved away from sources of support, such as your partner making you move with them to another town that’s far away from your friends and family members.

The Consequences of Isolation

Isolation not only serves as an abusive tactic, but it can also become a significant consequence of abuse over time. Survivors may find themselves distanced from friends and family members due to the dynamics of the abusive relationship or their own withdrawal over time. Also, controlling partners may limit survivors' opportunities to build new relationships or maintain existing ones.

Steps to Reduce Isolation and Foster Support

1. Assess Your Currently Available Support: Reflect on the support you currently have available, including potential relationships that could be restored or built further.
2. Seek Professional Support: Consider reaching out to a counselor or victim advocate for valuable support and guidance in navigating your relationships and healing journey.
3. Connect with Peer Support Resources: Explore support groups, both in-person and online, where you can connect with fellow survivors and find a sense of community and understanding.
4. Engage in New Activities: Participate in activities and groups outside of your immediate circle that focus on shared interests or hobbies, allowing for the possibility of building new connections. 
5. Practice Ongoing Self-Care: The overall healing journey for survivors can be difficult, and this is especially true for dealing with feelings and experiences of isolation and loneliness. Be intentional about offering yourself nurturing and support along the way. 

Taking Time and Keeping Perspective

Building meaningful relationships takes time, especially for survivors who may have experienced broken trust or trauma. Take the time you need to get to know people gradually and figure out which connections are safe and supportive for you.

Conclusion

Rebuilding your social network after abuse can be overwhelming, but remember that you deserve healthy, positive relationships in your life. While it may take time and effort, nurturing these connections can offer healing and support along your journey.