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By Christine Murray
Counseling can offer many potential benefits for survivors of abusive relationships. For example, counseling can help survivors process their memories and experiences, learn coping skills, gain a sense of understanding and validation, and work through related challenges and impacts of the abusive relationship on many areas of their lives. Unfortunately, however, many survivors find it difficult to find a counselor who has the right training, experience, and understanding of the dynamics of abusive relationships. I’ve worked in the counseling field for over two decades now, and I believe that the mental health professions in general have come a long way over the past couple of decades in terms of growing in recognition of the impact of traumatic experiences. At the same time, I still think that few too many mental health professionals receive in-depth training in the dynamics involved in abusive relationships. Training on this topic is not often covered in depth in graduate school training programs, so many mental health professionals need to seek out this information and training as part of their continuing education throughout their careers, assuming they or their employers recognize the need for this training. There is a general shortage of mental health professionals in general in many communities across the U.S. and the world. In addition, there is often an especially limited number of specialized mental health professionals in communities who have the unique combination of training, experience, and deep understanding of the dynamics of abusive relationships to equip them to work with survivors. Because counseling can be such a valuable source of support for many survivors, it’s important for survivors to be equipped with the information and tools to help them connect with mental health services when needed. Here in this post for The Source for Survivors, I hope to offer some encouragement and practical steps that survivors can take if they want to explore counseling as a potential source of support along their healing journey. First, remember that counseling isn’t the only possible source of healing, and it may not make sense for all survivors and at all points in your healing journey. I always think of counseling as one of many possible tools, strategies, and resources that can be valuable for survivors. I do believe counseling can be extremely valuable, and I’ve seen this through my work as a counselor and counseling professor, as well as in my own life and through my own experiences as a counseling client at different points in my healing journey. If you’re considering seeking out counseling, take time to reflect on whether this would be helpful to you now, what your hopes and goals would be for counseling, and what qualities you’d like to find in a prospective counselor. Second, be intentional about seeking out a qualified counselor who possesses the qualities that you’re looking for. I think it can be wise to “cast a wide net” in your search for the right counselor for you, right now. For example, seek personal recommendations from people (who you can trust) in your network. You might consider contacting the local or state-level agencies (e.g., a domestic violence victim service agency or statewide domestic violence coalition) in your area that serve victims of domestic violence and other forms of abusive relationships and asking them for a recommendation of which counselors they trust and refer their client to. You can also consider searching mental health professional databases, such as Psychology Today, and using the filters to hone in on the qualities and areas of expertise that you’re looking for. Third, empower yourself to ask questions and seek out information to help you decide if a particular counselor is the right fit for you. Previously, I wrote a blog post for our See the Triumph campaign that included questions that survivors can ask prospective counselors to learn about their experience and approach to working with clients who have had experiences in an abusive relationship. I invite you to check out that post to see the checklist we shared through See the Triumph, as this was always a popular post on the See the Triumph blog. It can take some time to find the right counselor for you, so know that you may need to consult with a few different professionals before you find the one that feels like the right fit. Fourth, seek out additional resources and information to help reduce barriers to accessing counseling and other mental health resources and supports. Financial barriers can be a huge issue for many survivors. If you lack insurance coverage and can’t access counseling for that reason, consider reaching out to domestic violence advocacy agencies and see if they have any low-cost mental health resources, or perhaps they are aware of funding sources to help survivors without insurance gain access to counseling. If you happen to live near a college or university that has mental health professional training programs (e.g., psychology, counseling, or marriage and family therapy), contact these departments to see if they offer a low-cost clinic for local community members. Another possible source of counseling could be through an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) through your employer. Finally, know that there are free, 24/7 resources, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline and the 9-8-8 Mental Health Lifeline. Although these crisis lines may not be able to offer long-term counseling, they can provide immediate support if you become overwhelmed and need some extra support, and they also may have referral resources to help you connect with additional sources of support. As a long-time counselor, I am a big fan of the potential growth and healing that can happen through counseling. At the same time, I know that finding the right counseling can be tricky. If you’re seeking counseling now or at some point in the future along your healing journey, be intentional in seeking out the right support - and remember that you are worthy of surrounding yourself with helpful supporters as you heal and grow.
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 By Christine Murray
As a survivor of an abusive relationship, it’s natural to spend a lot of time reflecting on your experiences in relationships with others--including your abuser, as well as other people in your life like your family members, friends, and perhaps professionals from whom you sought support related to your abusive relationship. You may also spend time thinking about potential future romantic relationships, like whether and when you may want to start dating again or how to build a healthy romantic relationship after you’ve experienced an unhealthy, unsafe one. There is a lot of potential value in reflecting on your experiences in relationships with others, but there is one other relationship that’s important to give your time, care, and attention: Your relationship with yourself. Having a healthy relationship with yourself can increase the health of your relationships with others because how you view yourself impacts how you show up in your relationships with others. Today, we’re debuting our newest free Source for Survivors resource: Our Strengthening My Relationship with Myself Worksheets. You can download these for free by visiting this website: Source for Survivors Strengthening My Relationship with Myself Worksheets. This resource includes 3 worksheets: (1) Reflection questions to examine the current quality of your relationship with yourself; (2) A self-rating exercise to consider how your relationship with yourself impacts how you show up in your relationships with others; and (3) An opportunity to write a self-supporting letter to yourself. We hope you’ll find this to be a helpful resource along your healing journey. If you choose to complete these worksheets, we hope they will foster a better understanding of the importance of your relationship with yourself, as well as help you identify ways you can strengthen it. By Christine Murray
The stories of survivors of abusive relationships are so powerful. They can educate, inspire, and foster connection. For survivors of intimate partner violence, sharing one’s story can be a transformative experience—both personally and in its potential to impact others. However, sharing a personal story of surviving abuse is a deeply personal decision that comes with both opportunities and challenges. Taking time to reflect on this decision and plan thoughtfully can help ensure the process feels empowering and safe. The Power of Telling Your Story Many survivors find that expressing their experiences, whether privately or publicly, can play a significant role in their healing journey. Stories have the power to challenge stigma, educate others about the realities of abuse, and inspire those who are currently navigating difficult circumstances. They can help create a world where survivors feel seen, supported, and understood. However, deciding to share your story with others--whether publicly or privately--is a significant choice. While it can be empowering, it is also essential to consider potential risks and challenges. For example, sharing your story publicly may expose you to judgment, misunderstandings, or even safety concerns if your abuser remains a threat. It’s important to assess your emotional readiness, your support system, and any potential consequences before deciding to share your story. Equally valid is the potential decision not to share. Survivors have the right to protect their privacy and prioritize their safety. If you choose to share, the key is to do so on your terms, in ways that feel safe and meaningful to you. Different Ways to Share Your Story There is no single “right way” to share your story as a survivor of abuse. Each survivor’s journey is unique, and how you tell your story should reflect your comfort level, personal goals, and circumstances. Here are a few ways you might consider sharing:
Tips for Sharing Your Story Safely and Meaningfully Prioritize Your Safety: If there is any risk of retaliation or harm from your abuser, take steps to protect your safety. This may include using pseudonyms, sharing anonymously, or delaying your decision to share. Set Boundaries: Decide in advance what parts of your story you are comfortable sharing and what you prefer to keep private. You are in control of your narrative. Seek Support: Before and after sharing, connect with trusted individuals who can provide encouragement and understanding. Processing your feelings with a therapist or a support group can be especially helpful. Pace Yourself: Sharing your story can be emotionally taxing. Allow yourself time to process your emotions and take breaks if needed. Honoring the Stories of Survivors Every survivor’s story is unique, important, and worthy of being heard. Sharing your story—whether privately or publicly—can be an act of courage and resilience. There is power in our stories as survivors to heal, educate, and inspire. By honoring your story and sharing it in ways that feel right for you, you contribute to a world where survivors are seen, supported, and celebrated. Remember, the decision to share your story is entirely yours. Whether you choose to speak publicly, write privately, or simply hold your story in your heart, know that your story matters and your voice is powerful. Note: Portions of this blog post have been adapted from previous posts that I wrote for our See the Triumph campaign’s Collection: Every Survivor Has a Story. By Christine Murray
When breakups happen, especially after a long-term relationship, it’s common for friends and family to feel divided. Some people may choose sides, while others attempt to maintain connections with both parties. This is already complex in any breakup, but when the relationship was abusive, these dynamics become even more challenging. If you’re a survivor of an abusive relationship, navigating your emotions and relationships when people you care about remain connected to your abuser can feel overwhelming and confusing. It may leave you questioning who you can trust, how you can feel safe, and how to move forward. This post explores why these situations are so complicated, how to process your emotions, and steps you can take to set boundaries that prioritize your well-being during your healing journey, regardless of who stays in your corner. Why This Feels So Complicated Even in non-abusive breakups, seeing people stay connected to an ex can bring feelings of discomfort, sadness, or betrayal. These feelings are valid and understandable. However, when the relationship was abusive, the situation often carries additional layers of complexity. One reason is that when people remain connected to your abuser, it can feel as though your experiences are being invalidated. People you have cared about and trusted might say things like, “They don’t seem that bad,” or, “I could never picture them acting like that.” Abusers often present a charming and kind persona to others, which may lead some of your connections to doubt your experiences or unintentionally minimize your pain. Additionally, abusers may actively try to harm your reputation by spreading lies, manipulating mutual friends, or painting you in a negative light. This can lead to mutual connections unknowingly—or even knowingly—participating in the harm. They might pass along information to your abuser, make hurtful comments, or betray your trust. These dynamics can make it feel impossible to know who to trust and may even create safety concerns. It’s no wonder these situations can feel deeply personal and painful. What You Can Do If you’re facing this challenge, remember that you have the power to make decisions that prioritize your safety and well-being, and your own well-being can be your top priority as you consider whether and how to interact with other people. Here are some practical considerations to navigate these complex circumstances: 1. Empower Yourself to Make Decisions that Support Your Healing: It’s your right to decide who has access to your life, energy, and trust. You might consider filtering your relationships into categories like the following: Those you’ll keep, those you’ll limit, and those you’ll cut. 2. Prioritize Safety and Trust: Trust is earned, especially in the aftermath of an abusive relationship. Take things slow with people you choose to keep in your life, sharing your concerns and setting boundaries. For example, you might say, “You may not see my ex the same way that I seem them, but I know what I experienced, and I need to make decisions for my safety and well-being.” If someone disregards your boundaries, it’s okay to step back. 3. Adjust Social Media Access: Social media can be a tool for maintaining or changing boundaries. Unfriend or block individuals if needed. You can also adjust your social media privacy settings to limit who can see your posts and updates. 4. Grieve Losses: It’s understandable to feel sadness over lost or more distant connections. Allow yourself time to grieve these changes as you move forward. 5. Be Cautious with Information Sharing: Limit what you share, especially with mutual connections. Be mindful of how and when you post online, as information can unintentionally make its way back to your abuser. Keep your safety and well-being at the top of your mind as you consider what to share and what to keep private. 6. Focus on Supportive Relationships: Pour your energy into connections that feel safe and uplifting. Especially if some relationships have fallen away, aim to build new, healthy, and supportive relationships that reflect the life you’re creating—one free from abuse. 7. Give It Time: The initial aftermath of a breakup can be volatile, but with time, other people who at first seem to gravitate toward your abuser may come to see the truth of your experience. Be patient with yourself and others as you navigate these changes. Creating a New Life Navigating relationships with people connected to your abuser is undoubtedly challenging, but it’s an opportunity to refocus your energy on what truly matters: Your healing and growth. Each step you take to set boundaries, protect your well-being, and build supportive relationships brings you closer to healing and empowerment. As you move forward, remember that your worth is not defined by others’ choices or opinions. You are strong, capable, and deserving of connections that honor and respect your journey. With time, patience, and self-compassion, you can create a life and social support network that is filled with safety, trust, and joy. By Christine Murray
February is often thought of as the month of love, making it a meaningful time to reflect on relationships. For survivors who are interested in reentering the dating world after surviving an abusive relationship, the journey can be filled with mixed emotions—hope, excitement, and sometimes fear or uncertainty. This post is the first in a two-part mini-series leading up to Valentine's Day. Today, I’ll focus on survivors who are considering dating again, and next week, we’ll explore how dating partners can support someone with a history of abuse. Before diving in, it’s essential to note that dating isn’t a requirement for healing. Some survivors choose—temporarily or permanently—not to reenter the dating world, focusing instead on fostering connections and relationships with family, friends, and themselves. This decision is valid and deeply personal. If dating doesn’t feel right for you (now or ever), that’s okay. However, if you are considering dating, let’s consider how to approach this new chapter with care and confidence. 1. Are You Ready? There’s no universal timeline for knowing when you’re ready to date again. Some survivors find they need time to heal and rebuild their sense of self before exploring new connections. Others may feel ready sooner, especially if they’ve done significant emotional work during or after the abusive relationship. Ask yourself:
It’s important to reflect on your current emotional state and readiness. If self-doubt or unresolved pain arises, consider focusing on personal healing or seeking support before jumping into dating. 2. Define Your Approach Think about what dating might look like for you. Are you open to meeting someone organically—through work, community activities, or mutual friends? Or do you feel open to actively seeking a partner using dating apps or other intentional methods? Neither approach is necessarily better than the other; what matters is choosing what feels comfortable and safe for you. Be prepared for the potential of receiving well-meaning advice from friends or family about how to date, but remember: You’re in charge of how you approach dating. It’s okay to set boundaries and decide which suggestions resonate with you. 3. Build Your Support System Navigating the dating world is often easier with trusted friends or family members in your corner. Share your hopes and concerns with a few close, supportive people you trust, and invite them to provide feedback as you get to know potential partners. They can offer valuable perspectives, especially if you find yourself caught up in early romantic excitement. It’s also helpful to establish boundaries for yourself. Know what red flags you won’t tolerate and ensure you’re prepared to walk away from someone who doesn’t align with your vision of a healthy relationship. 4. Take It Slow As you reenter the dating scene, consider how much you want to share about your past experiences with abuse—and when. Your story is yours to tell, and you should only share it if and when you feel comfortable and safe. Early in a relationship, focus on getting to know the other person’s values, character, and communication style before diving into deeply personal topics. Remember, taking it slow applies to getting to know your date as well. Allow time to observe their behavior and ensure their actions align with their words. Building trust takes time, and there’s no need to rush. 5. Focus on Fun and Self-Discovery Dating after abuse can feel daunting, but it’s also an opportunity for growth and joy. Allow yourself to approach this experience with curiosity. Every date doesn’t need to lead to the outcome you’re hoping for, whether that’s a long-term relationship or even a more short-term connection. Instead, see dating as a chance to learn about yourself—your likes, dislikes, and non-negotiables—and to enjoy the process of meeting new people. Look for someone who makes you feel safe, supported, and excited. If the relationship doesn’t work out, remember that it’s part of the process. Keep moving forward toward the vision you have for your life and love. Final Thoughts Dating again after an abusive relationship is a deeply personal decision. Whether you’re taking your first steps back into the dating world or simply contemplating the idea, trust yourself to navigate this journey at your own pace. With time, patience, and a commitment to self-care, you can approach dating as an opportunity to further your healing, rediscover yourself, and embrace the possibility of a healthy, loving relationship. Take care of yourself, lean on your support system, and know that you’re worthy of the love and kindness you seek. By Christine Murray
Abusive relationships can take a major toll on survivors’ sense of self-worth and sense of hope for a brighter future. The abusers’ harmful words and actions, and the overall dynamics in these relationships, can deeply impact how you view and care for yourself, sometimes lingering long after the relationship has ended. Taking time to reflect on these experiences can help you identify the ways they’ve shaped your self-esteem, while also offering insights to support your healing and reclaiming your sense of self. Below are some reflection questions designed to help you examine how abusive relationship experiences have affected your ability to love and honor yourself. Use these prompts as a starting point for gentle self-exploration, journaling, or even conversations with a trusted therapist or support group. Reflection Questions
Healing from an abusive relationship is not an easy, linear process, and you don’t have to do it all at once. As you work through these questions, give yourself grace and acknowledge your progress. Your journey toward rebuilding self-love and self-worth is deeply personal. By taking even small steps to care for yourself, you are reclaiming your sense of identity and honoring the resilient person you are. By Christine Murray
Recently, my colleague and I, Eileen Martin, released our new book, Financial Abuse Recovery: Financial Healing & Empowerment After Surviving an Abusive Relationship. This book had been on my heart to write for years before we actually started working on it over a year ago. Even if you never buy the book, you can check out the book’s website for an extensive list of resources related to financial empowerment for survivors: www.sourceforsurvivors.info/financialabuse. In today’s blog post, I want to share the reasons why the topic of financial recovery for survivors has been burning in my heart for so long that I just *had* to bring this book to life. There were two main lenses through which I learned about the powerful role that financial empowerment can play in survivors’ healing journeys. First, I saw this in my own personal healing journey, and second, I’ve seen repeatedly in my work as a counselor and advocate how closely survivors’ financial well-being is related to their overall healing and well-being. My Personal Journey Healing from my past abusive relationship has been an ongoing journey for many years. That relationship had a significant impact on my finances for many reasons. Beyond the financial strain, the psychological toll of financial abuse, gaslighting, and manipulation left me questioning my confidence and judgment in financial matters. I hadn’t received much formal education on personal finances in school, so when I began taking steps to rebuild my life, I felt like I was wandering in the dark at first. I dove headfirst into learning everything I could—reading books and magazines, listening to personal finance podcasts, and experimenting through trial and error. What started as a necessity quickly grew into a passion. As I learned more about how to manage money, I began to see clear connections between personal finance and the process of abuse recovery. Financial empowerment became not just a practical tool for stabilizing my life, but also a deeply personal source of healing. Setting goals, mapping out plans, and tracking my progress helped me regain a sense of control and confidence. Each small step—whether paying off debt, saving for my sons’ education, or investing for the future—felt like reclaiming a positive future for myself and my children. This personal journey taught me that financial empowerment isn’t just about numbers. It’s about freedom, choices, and the ability to create a life aligned with your values and dreams. Lessons from Working with Survivors As a counselor, researcher, and advocate, I’ve seen time and again how closely financial recovery is tied to overall healing for survivors of abuse. The writing of this book was inspired by seeing the financial challenges and triumphs of many fellow survivors, and the book aims to address some of the most pressing challenges survivors face in achieving financial independence and security. We wrote this book with three key messages in mind:
If you’re interested in learning more about financial empowerment and recovery for survivors, visit the resources compiled on our book’s website: www.sourceforsurvivors.info/financialabuse. Wherever you are in your journey, know that financial healing is possible. Every step you take toward financial empowerment—no matter how small—can be a step toward reclaiming your freedom, confidence, and sense of control over your life. Note: Portions of this blog post have been adapted from the Financial Abuse Recovery book. By Christine Murray
The effects of an abusive relationship often linger long after the relationship ends. One area where these effects can show up is in your inner dialogue—the way you talk to yourself. The messages you internalize during an abusive relationship can shape how you see yourself, your worth, and your ability to heal. Abusers often intentionally plant seeds of doubt and negativity, leading survivors to internalize negative, untrue beliefs about themselves For many survivors, negative self-talk becomes an unwelcome habit, and yet learning to monitor and transform your inner dialogue become a powerful tool along the healing journey. That’s why monitoring and working toward positive self-talk is a key part of the healing journey for survivors. Your inner dialogue has the power to influence your emotions, decisions, and overall well-being. With intention and practice, you can begin to reclaim your inner voice, transforming it into a source of encouragement and support. Below, we’ll explore how to become more aware of your self-talk patterns and take steps toward reshaping them to support your healing processes. Building Awareness of Your Self-Talk Transforming your inner self-talk begins with awareness. Start by dedicating a specific time frame to track your thoughts and emotions, especially those tied to the abusive relationship. Monitoring your self-talk even a short period of time, such as 24 to 48 hours, can provide valuable insights into your patterns without feeling overwhelming. During this time, consider keeping a written log of your thoughts and associated feelings. Whether you prefer a journal, a daily planner, or a simple piece of paper, choose a system that feels manageable for you. The goal is to create a place where you can keep track of what’s happening in your inner world without judgment or pressure to change things right away. Observing Without Judgment During the time frame when you’re tracking your inner dialogue, try setting regular check-ins. You might use reminders on your phone or a timer to pause every 30 to 60 minutes during the day to reflect on what’s been on your mind. At each check-in, write down the thoughts that have come up and the emotions accompanying them. Make note of any positive, negative, and neutral thoughts you recognize that reflect the way you’re talking to yourself. For now, focus on observing your inner dialogue, and release yourself from any pressure you may feel to change things right away. Give yourself permission to simply notice what your mind is telling you. Maybe you’ll uncover recurring doubts, fears, or self-criticisms that trace back to the abuse you faced. While it might be difficult to see these patterns at first, remember that awareness is a powerful first step toward change. Reflecting on Patterns Once your tracking period ends, take time to review what you’ve recorded. Ask yourself:
These reflections can help you identify where the effects of the abusive relationship are lingering in your self-talk and point to opportunities for growth and healing. You may also notice self-talk patterns that relate to other positive or negative life experiences you’ve had that aren’t directly related to your history of being in an abusive relationship. Remember that you can strive toward growth and healing in all areas of your life, not just directly related to your experiences in an abusive relationship. Embracing Change Becoming aware of your inner dialogue is empowering because it opens a door to positive change. With time and practice, you can work on shifting negative self-talk into more supportive and compassionate thoughts. Start small, focusing on moments when you can replace a negative thought with kindness or encouragement. Over time, these small shifts add up, helping you build a more positive and affirming relationship with yourself. Closing Thoughts Rewriting your inner dialogue is not an overnight process, but it is a very worthwhile one, especially for survivors of abusive relationships. The dialogue inside your head has the potential to be your greatest ally, cheering you on as you navigate your healing journey. By building greater self-awareness and intentionally choosing self-compassion over criticism, you’re taking bold steps toward reclaiming your sense of self-worth and building a future filled with hope, resilience, and self-love. The words you say to yourself matter. You deserve to hear kindness and encouragement—not just from others, but from within. Take the time to listen, reflect, and nurture your inner dialogue as you continue your healing journey. By Christine Murray
Today is New Year’s Eve, and as we step into 2025, I invite you to let yourself dream about the year ahead. For many survivors of abuse, allowing space to dream of brighter days can be challenging. The healing journey is often a long, winding road filled with moments of frustration and setbacks. Abuse may have left you feeling disconnected from your goals, interests, and confidence, making the idea of “dreaming” feel daunting or even impossible. Abusers frequently use emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse tactics to undermine victims’ and survivors’ self-worth, which can make dreaming for the future seem out of reach. Your abuser may have even mocked the dreams you shared with them, leading you to hide your dreams deeply away in your heart. During the abusive relationship, you may have even abandoned your dreams altogether. Many survivors, especially early on in the healing process, feel hesitant or blocked from planning for positive changes in their lives. Even if you’ve found it difficult to dream lately, the start of a new year can be an opportunity to reflect on what you want for your life. Perhaps this is the time you’ve been waiting for to set new intentions, big or small, for your path ahead. Whether you choose to set resolutions or simply allow yourself to hope and plan for positive changes ahead, your dreams are worthy of being heard, honored, and explored. Consider this a gentle invitation to reflect on what kind of dreams you might have for 2025. Your dreams don’t have to be grand or life-altering to make a difference. Small steps count, too. Perhaps you envision moving a bit further along in your healing journey. This might mean connecting with a counselor, opening up to a trusted friend, or carving out time in your schedule for regular self-care. Maybe you’re interested in dreaming of other changes in your life, such as searching for a new job, entering the dating world, or building new friendships or hobbies. Let your dreams be as unique as you are! If dreaming feels difficult, try setting aside quiet time for reflection or journaling. Here are some questions to help you get started:
Creating a vision board is also a fun way to bring your dreams to life visually, allowing you to see and revisit them throughout the year. And if journaling isn’t your style, consider sharing your thoughts with a trusted friend, counselor, or coach. Let the start of this new year be a fresh beginning and the start of a new chapter in your life. Allow yourself the permission to dream. However big or small, these dreams are a powerful expression of hope for what lies ahead. You deserve a future that feels safe, fulfilling, and joyful. So, as you welcome 2025, embrace your dreams and take steps, one by one, toward making them a reality. By Christine Murray
The end of 2024 will be here in one week. When one year ends and another begins, we have an opportunity to reflect on the year behind us and what we hope for the next year to come. In this week’s Pathway for Survivors Blog post, I’m going to share some thoughts on the importance of making space for year-end reflections, especially for those of us along the journey of healing from past abuse. Next week, my post will focus on taking a look ahead as 2025 gets underway. If it would be helpful to you, I invite you to create some space in your life during the last days of 2024 to reflect on your experiences this past year. Creating space for reflection might look like spending time journaling, talking with a counselor or trusted friend, or even just going for a long walk and spending time with your thoughts and emotions. Making space for reflection is a valuable practice for survivors of abusive relationships. In fact, I believe reflection is such an important part of the healing journey that I included it as one of the 6 Commitments in the Pathway for Supporting Survivors Model. As I shared in that original blog post: Some of the steps you’ll take as you work on your healing from past abuse will have amazing results! They will help you grow, overcome limiting beliefs, connect with social support, and/or feel stronger. However, there will be other steps you’ll attempt that don’t feel like they help you very much, and sometimes you may even feel like they set you back. All of this is part of the complicated journey of recovering from past abuse. Because this journey can be so complex, it is wise to put mechanisms in place to help you make time for regular reflection so you can figure out what is working well, what you may want to modify, and what you may want to stop doing altogether. Self-reflection (often aided by trusted people in your support network as well) is a valuable tool along the pathway of recovering from past abuse. We can engage in self-reflection at any time of the year, and it can be helpful to set aside regular time for reflection, such as once a month or once a week. However, the end of a year can be an especially powerful time for self-reflection. There’s something concrete about a full calendar year ending that offers a useful timeline for reflecting back on all of our experiences during the year. This includes the ups and downs, the highs and lows, and even the so-so times we may have even forgotten! Below are some questions that may be useful if you’d like to use the end of the year as a time for self-reflection:
It’s possible that you’ll experience strong emotions as you reflect on this past year. Remember to practice self-soothing strategies and continue to develop emotion-regulation skills as you process these emotions. Consider reaching out for support from a mental health professional if you think it would help to discuss these experiences or emotions with a trained professional. Personally, 2024 has been a pretty wild ride for me! There have been some very positive changes - including starting a new job and, of course, launching The Source for Survivors back in January. On the other hand, I’ve also faced some challenges and lots of stress, both in my work and in my personal life. As I reflect on my own experiences in 2024, there are some things I sort of wish I could go back and change, but I also can appreciate that even the hard times can become opportunities for new insights and personal growth. If you carve out a little space for self-reflection as 2024 comes to a close, I hope you will discover that you gained new strength this year, even if that strength was hard-earned through some challenging times. I also hope that you will reflect on your progress and growth along your healing journey. The healing journey is not an easy, linear path, so your progress may look like a few steps forward, a few back, and perhaps even a few that felt like you were going sideways or spinning in circles! I wish you the best for a calm, restorative end to this year, and I thank you for being a part of the Source for Survivors community! |
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