Getting Personal: Why the Vision for The Source for Survivors Means So Much To Me (Part 2)

By Christine Murray

Earlier this week, I shared Part 1 of this mini-series on why the vision of The Source for Survivors (that survivors shouldn’t have to walk the healing journey on their own) is so personally meaningful to me. I also shared my thoughts on the first reason for this, which was that I’ve felt lost and in the dark at many points in my personal healing journey. 

In today’s post, I’ll dive into two other reasons why building The Source for Survivors is so meaningful to me:

• I’ve been unclear about the “end game” for my recovery process. 
• Feeling isolated at times has added barriers to my healing process.

Along my healing journey, I have often wondered: What is the “end game” here? Committing to a long-term view is the third commitment in the Pathways for Supporting Survivors Model that The Source for Survivors is based on. I’ve personally come to appreciate this long-term view in my own recovery process, and I’ve found some comfort in knowing that I can take all the time I need through any phases of healing.

At the same time, I’ll confess I have, at times, wished that I could see into the future and know exactly where this journey will take me. The long-range view brings up some interesting, perhaps existential, questions about recovering from past abuse. At different points in my journey, I’ve wondered some form of the following:

• Will I ever be or feel 100% “over” this?
• Is the healing process ever fully completed?
• If I reach a really old age, will I still be impacted by my experiences with abuse then?

The further along I’ve gotten in my healing journey, the more I wonder if “completing” healing is even the point. I suspect this is something that differs from person to person. Some of us may feel like we can totally finish the process of personal healing, whereas others may view it as a lifelong process to manage and navigate, rather than to completely finish.

I’m pretty sure The Source for Survivors won’t be able to answer all of these questions, and it’s possible these questions are impossible to answer, at least in a general way that applies to all survivors. However, I do hope The Source for Survivors will be a resource to help survivors process with their own self-reflections and growth as they navigate their unique journeys toward whatever their unique “end game” may be. 

The third and final topic I’ll cover in the blog this week is that feeling isolated at times has added barriers to my healing process. Personally understanding some of the isolation that many survivors feel is another reason I’m so connected to the mission and vision for The Source for Survivors. 

There are different layers of isolation that may impact survivors’ healing journeys. One layer is direct isolation that is a result of the abuse. Isolation can be both a tactic abusers use to carry out their abuse (e.g., cutting the survivor off from potential sources of support), as well as a byproduct of being in an abusive relationship (e.g., if survivors pull back from relationships with friends and family members because they feel ashamed of their experiences, or if friends and family members withdraw because they’re not sure whether or how to offer support). 

Isolation resulting from abuse can be challenging, and connecting with sources of social support - both from professional helpers and informal supports like friends and community groups - can be an important step to take during the healing process. 

Another layer of isolation that can impact survivors’ long-term healing journeys is more of a perception of being alone, misunderstood, or possibly ashamed of having been abused. For me, I’ve been very fortunate to have some amazing friends, family members, and professional supporters who have been with me along different phases of my healing journey. So it’s been this second layer of isolation that I’ve felt the most at times. Even when I’ve received caring, compassionate support and guidance from many supporters around me, I’ve still grappled with perceptions of isolation at points along my journey.

It’s natural and normal as a survivor of abuse to look at others in the world around you and feel a little out of place. Violence and abuse aren’t exactly everyday conversation topics in most circles, so even though statistics tell us how common experiences of abuse are, you may not even know how many other people with similar experiences are around you. 

I’ll admit it was very difficult for me at first to publicly identify as a survivor, and in truth, I was working in this field for many years before I publicly shared that identity. My reasons for waiting to share my story were many (and perhaps this will be a topic for a future blog post!). 

Publicly sharing about being a survivor is not right for everyone. For me, however, once I became public about my experiences, a major blessing waited on the other side. This blessing was that sharing my own experiences opened the door to many other people sharing their stories with me, as well as other personal connections they had to abuse, such as loved ones who had current or past experiences with abuse. 

Sharing one’s story of surviving abuse is certainly not a requirement for healing, and I suggest anyone interested in reading more about this check out the Collection on this topic that we developed through our See the Triumph Campaign. However, one thing I’ve learned through publicly sharing parts of my personal story is that we often feel way more alone and isolated in our experiences as survivors than we truly are.

And so, understanding the isolation that many survivors face is another reason I’m so excited about The Source for Survivors. I hope this site can be another resource to help survivors feel less alone and isolated in their experiences. 

I hope my posts this week offered a little glimpse into some of the reasons why my heart is so invested in building The Source for Survivors. My personal journey is only part of these reasons, and I’ve also learned so much from many other survivors I’ve encountered through my work. I look forward to continuing to learn more as The Source for Survivors evolves over time.  Thank you for reading and for being part of this new initiative as well!