Getting Personal: Why the Vision for The Source for Survivors Means So Much To Me (Part 1)

By Christine Murray

Working to get The Source for Survivors up and running has been a true work of the heart for me.

I’m so excited about this resource because I know how much it's needed. For almost two decades now, the focus of much of my work has been on domestic violence and other forms of abuse, especially the recovery experiences of survivors. In addition to my professional work, I've also been on my own healing journey as a survivor of past abuse.

Because of what I’ve learned from the countless survivors I’ve learned from through my work, in addition to my own personal experiences, the vision for The Source for Survivors - that survivors shouldn’t have to walk the healing journey on their own - means so much to me.

In a mini-series of two posts this week, I’ll be sharing a little bit more about my own healing journey and how my experiences are fueling my passion for this new resource.

I’ll start, however, with a disclaimer that I know my own experiences are just my own. Every single survivor has their own unique experiences. While I’ve learned a lot from my personal experiences, I know that my experiences may or may not be similar to the experiences of others.

So, when reading this post and other resources shared through The Source for Survivors, please apply the information that resonates with you, and set aside anything that doesn’t. Part of the beauty that can be found in the journey of recovering from past abuse is that, while difficult, you can make your healing process your own.

There are at least three reasons why my personal experiences with recovering from past abuse have led me to feel so deeply connected to the goal of building The Source for Survivors:

• At so many points in my healing journey, I’ve felt a bit lost along the way.
• I’ve been unclear about the “end game” for my recovery process. 
• Feeling isolated at times has added barriers to my healing process.

In today’s post, I’ll cover the first reason, and then in my next post on Thursday of this week, I’ll cover the second and third reasons.

One part of my healing journey that stands out to me has been how I’ve felt in the dark about what’s “normal” or to be expected over the long-term in the aftermath of an abusive relationship. Perhaps I’ve been searching for answers to some of my personal questions through my work, but even through all of the work I’ve done related to the topic of domestic violence--and even specific to the long-term recovery process for survivors--clarity has been elusive to find at many points in my healing journey.

In my opinion, some bigger-picture aspects of abuse recovery are easier to grasp--things like being triggered when reminders of the abuse occur and that it’s valuable to seek support from professionals (e.g., a counselor) and trusted friends and family members.

Where I’ve felt most in the dark in my personal healing journey has been in some of the unique, nuanced situations I’ve faced. Maybe you can relate to some of the questions that have come up for me in these situations:

• I thought I’d healed from this experience. Why am I still getting upset by this?
• Is it normal to feel this way, especially so long after the end of the abusive relationship?
• Am I on track with my healing?
• Am I overreacting in this situation? Underreacting?
• Is my reaction to this situation related to being a survivor of abuse, or is it just a normal part of being human?

I think one of the reasons these questions come up for survivors is that we still need a lot more information to better understand the long-term process of recovering from past abuse. Thanks in large part to advocacy efforts by many individuals and organizations, awareness about domestic violence and abusive relationships in general has grown a lot in recent years--although continued efforts to raise awareness are still very much needed. We still have a long way to go in terms of community efforts to prevent violence and abuse, support and promote the safety of people currently facing abuse, and hold offenders accountable. 

Because of local resources (e.g., domestic violence agencies) in communities across the country, as well as national resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, survivors today can access information and support to manage the immediate crisis of abusive relationships and the process of seeking safety, such as by leaving the relationship.

Once survivors have become free from abuse and the initial crisis has stabilized, I suspect many survivors are like me and left wondering, “Okay, now what am I supposed to do? Where do I start? And how do I work on my healing while also being busy with so many areas of life, like work, parenting, and paying the bills?”

I, for one, will admit that I sometimes felt lost and confused when these questions came up along my healing journey. Thankfully, I knew to take some helpful steps, like seeking out a counselor, talking with trusted friends and family members, and building new coping skills. As helpful as these steps have been, I still wish I could have had some more nuanced guidance and support for many of the unique and challenging situations that have come up for me in the aftermath of abuse.

Because survivors’ experiences and circumstances are so personal and unique, I don’t think any single resource (even what I hope that The Source for Survivors will become over time!) can fully address all of the nuanced challenges that survivors may face along the healing journey. However, my hope is that The Source for Survivors can offer survivors more validation, encouragement, support, and guidance to better understand different aspects of recovering from past abuse. If we can all feel a little less in the dark along our own healing journeys, then we can also help shine some light on the path for other survivors.

Come back later this week on Thursday for the second part of this mini-series, where I'll delve into the latter two reasons that fuel my passion for developing The Source for Survivors. Meanwhile, I invite you to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. If you have suggested topics or resources you'd like to see covered in The Source for Survivors, feel free to share through the Contact Form. Your feedback is invaluable in shaping this resource to better serve the unique needs of survivors.