What Does Healing from Abuse Even Look Like?

By Christine Murray

At The Source for Survivors, our goal is to share inspiration, tools, and resources to support survivors on their long-term healing journey after an abusive relationship. Healing is often a lengthy and complex process, and the healing journey can feel confusing and lonely, with many survivors lacking guidance and support along the way.

As I reflect on the first several months since The Source for Survivors launched in early 2024, I realize that I haven’t yet addressed a fundamental question: What does it even mean to heal from abuse?

Each survivor likely has a unique vision and experience of healing. Every person’s needs, experiences, resources, community context, cultural beliefs, and values are different. Because of this, their views on healing will be just as personal. 

However, there are some common experiences and components that many survivors share. In this blog post, I’ll share some of my thoughts on healing and invite you to consider what it looks like for you.

Common Components of Healing

Resolving Emotional Traumas. Traumatic experiences are individually defined but generally involve an event or series of events experienced as traumatic, followed by lasting consequences. For many, going through an abusive relationship is a traumatic experience that impacts their emotional, mental, and physical health. 

Healing can mean recovering from these aftereffects and reaching a point of feeling more resolved or settled. Some possible tools that may help survivors process the traumatic experiences they faced include therapy, journaling, self-reflection, and trauma-informed care from supportive professionals.

Reconnecting with Yourself. Many survivors of abusive relationships come to feel disconnected from themselves throughout the relationship. They may no longer have a sense of their preferences, interests, or even their own identity. Healing can involve rediscovering oneself, rebuilding self-esteem, and reconnecting with personal likes, dislikes, and values outside the context of the abusive relationship.

Managing Triggers. Not everyone experiences triggers, but for those who do, learning to identify, understand, and cope with them is crucial. Triggers can be anything from a song on the radio to an unexpected memory that pops in your mind. Understanding and managing these triggers in a healthy way is an important part of the healing process.

Clarifying Your Views on Forgiveness. Forgiveness is a sensitive topic among survivors of abuse. Whether, when, and how to “forgive” one’s abuser is a deeply personal decision that each survivor makes for themselves. For some, forgiveness might mean releasing anger and resentment. For others, forgiveness is an unnecessary or even harmful concept. Healing can involve exploring what forgiveness means to you and deciding whether and how it fits into your journey.

Setting Boundaries. Setting boundaries and navigating communication with an abuser and/or other people who are associated with your experiences of abuse can be an important part of healing. Some survivors can cut all ties, while others, especially those who share children with their abuser, must maintain some form of contact. Building interpersonal and communication skills and setting and maintaining healthy boundaries can foster healing and emotional well-being.

Finding Inner Peace. Achieving a sense of peace in life and within oneself can be another aspect of healing. While virtually no one (whether they are a survivor of abuse or not) feels peaceful 100% of the time, striving for inner calm and well-being can be a sign of significant progress toward healing. Prioritizing peace in survivors’ lives can help to guide decisions and reflect deep healing.

Recognizing Your Growth. Some survivors find value in recognizing the growth that came from overcoming their experiences of abuse. This doesn’t mean the abuse was a positive thing to go through, but rather that overcoming related challenges led to personal strengths and resilience. This concept, known as post-traumatic growth, highlights how facing adversity can lead to profound personal development. For some survivors, part of the healing process is recognizing that they have grown and become stronger because of the challenges they experienced. 

Conclusion

Above, I’ve described some of the major aspects of the healing process that resonate with me based on my own healing experiences and my work with survivors. 

As The Source for Survivors community continues to grow, I’m sure my understanding of healing will continue to evolve, and I hope you’ll join me in this evolution as well. I invite you to reflect on your definition of healing and identify which aspects are most important to you.

Healing is a deeply personal and ongoing journey. By sharing our experiences and supporting one another, we can create a collective vision of what it means to heal from abuse.