Simplicity as a Guiding Principle for the Healing Journey

By Christine Murray

Life as a survivor of abuse can feel overwhelming, chaotic, and confusing at times. The layers of complications stemming from the abuse—such as emotional, financial, legal, or relational—can touch nearly every aspect of life, making the healing journey feel daunting.

It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed at various points along the healing journey. You may be navigating multiple challenges, from mental health struggles and parenting concerns to financial instability, career challenges, and re-establishing boundaries with friends or family members. Whether you’re newly beginning your healing journey or well into the process, the sheer complexity of recovery can make it difficult to know where to start.

In this blog post, I want to suggest the concept of simplicity as a guiding principle that might be helpful along the healing journey. Focusing on simplicity can help counteract the chaos and confusion that abuse often leaves in its wake, providing a sense of clarity and direction as you move toward healing and recovery in different areas of your life.

The Challenge of Embracing Simplicity

For many survivors, simplicity may not come naturally. Abusers often thrive on creating confusion and drama, such as by using manipulation to gain and maintain control. This dynamic can persist even after the relationship ends, especially in cases of post-separation abuse. As a result, chaos and complexity may start to feel like a normal, even expected, part of life.

If you can relate to this, shifting toward simplicity might feel foreign or even uncomfortable. The unpredictability of an abusive relationship may have led you to brace for complications at every turn. However, recognizing this pattern is a powerful first step toward reclaiming peace and control in your life.

A Personal Reflection on Simplicity

In my own life, the confusion and manipulation I experienced both during and after my abusive relationship left me feeling like complexity and tension were the norm. Even though I recognized the challenges I was facing as stressful, I didn’t immediately realize how much the complexity had infiltrated my thinking and daily life. It took an intentional effort to pause, reflect, and actively choose a different path—one that prioritized simplicity and peace.

I won’t claim that this process was easy or fast, and I recognize that simplicity may not be the right guiding principle for every survivor. However, I encourage you to reflect on whether chaos and complexity have become unwelcome but steady companions in your life. If so, consider whether embracing simplicity could help create a sense of steadiness and empowerment in your healing journey.

What Does Simplicity Look Like?

At its core, simplicity is about reducing unnecessary complications and focusing on what truly matters. It doesn’t mean eliminating all challenges in life—some complexities are unavoidable—but rather aiming to find ways to build a life that is as manageable and peaceful as possible.

Here are a few ways to consider applying simplicity as a guiding principle in the healing journey as a survivor:

1. Clarify Your Priorities: Instead of trying to change every aspect of your life at once, identify one or two key areas to focus on. Healing is a long-term process, and progress doesn’t happen all at once. You might have concerns spanning mental health, career, parenting, friendships, and finances—but trying to address all of these areas at once can lead to exhaustion. Prioritizing just one or two areas at a time can help make progress feel more achievable.

2. Streamline Decision-Making: Decision fatigue is real, especially for survivors navigating complex situations. Simplify where you can—whether it’s limiting your choices in daily routines, setting firm but clear boundaries, or breaking big decisions into smaller, more manageable steps.

3. Reduce Mental Clutter: If you find yourself caught in overthinking patterns, try grounding techniques, journaling, or working with a professional counselor to help calm your inner dialogue. Practicing mindfulness or setting designated “worry times” can also help contain anxious thoughts, making space for more peace.

4. Simplify Financial Recovery: Financial abuse is common in abusive relationships, and rebuilding financial stability in an abusive relationship can feel overwhelming. In our recent book Financial Abuse Recovery, we discuss how simplicity can be a powerful tool in this process. For example, rather than feeling pressured to master complex financial strategies, start with the basics: opening a single checking account, creating a basic budget, and setting small, attainable savings goals.

5. Embrace Small, Sustainable Steps: Healing is not about giant leaps; often, the most meaningful progress comes from small, consistent efforts. Choosing simplicity means letting go of unrealistic expectations and recognizing that even small steps forward are valuable.

The Power of Letting Go

While simplicity is a helpful guiding principle, it’s also important to be kind to yourself along the way. Healing from abuse is inherently complex, and striving for a completely uncomplicated life isn’t likely to be realistic. Instead, think of simplicity as a spectrum—one you’re gradually moving toward, not a perfect state you must immediately achieve.

Give yourself grace and patience as you work through this process. If simplifying certain aspects of your life brings more ease and clarity, embrace it. But if some areas remain complicated despite your best efforts, remember that healing is not about perfection—it’s about progress.

If simplicity resonates with you, consider ways to incorporate it into your healing journey. Take time to reflect on areas where you can reduce complexity, establish priorities, and cultivate peace. Every survivor’s path is unique, so tailor this approach in a way that feels most supportive to you.

Above all, remember that healing is possible, and by choosing to focus on what truly matters, you can build a life that feels more peaceful, intentional, and empowering.