Preparing for the Holidays as a Survivor of an Abusive Relationship

By Christine Murray

As Thanksgiving week is here in the United States, the holiday season is officially upon us. While this time of year can bring joy and celebration, for survivors of abusive relationships, it can also stir up complicated emotions. The pressures and expectations of the holidays—often focused on family and togetherness—can sometimes heighten feelings of sadness, disappointment, or loneliness, especially if parts of your life aren’t where you wish them to be.

The holiday season can also simply be overwhelming, whether or not people have any experiences of abuse. The busyness of events, gatherings, and tasks on our calendars can make it difficult to find moments of peace and calm. For some of us, this time of year may even bring back painful memories of abuse that happened around the holidays, which can make navigating this season especially challenging. If this resonates with you, know that you are not alone. Many survivors find the holidays to be emotionally complex, and it’s important to recognize that there are steps you can take to care for yourself during this time. Here are six strategies that may help:

1. Prioritize Self-Care
It’s easy for self-care to fall by the wayside when life gets busy, especially during the holiday season. While you may not have as much time as usual, it’s still important to make space for small moments of self-care. This could be as simple as taking a short walk, doing some light stretching, journaling, or simply setting aside a little time to relax. If possible, try to focus on the basics—like getting enough sleep, nourishing your body, and finding ways to manage stress. Even small acts of self-care can make a big difference in helping you feel more grounded during this hectic time.

2. Set and Honor Boundaries
The holiday season often comes with many invitations, obligations, and expectations. It’s important to remember that you have the right to set boundaries. It’s okay to decline invitations to events that don’t feel right for you, and it’s equally okay to set limits on interactions with others. Whether it’s deciding how long to stay at a gathering or setting boundaries around what topics you’re comfortable discussing, allow yourself to protect your emotional well-being. Honor your needs, and be proactive in communicating those boundaries to others.

3. Acknowledge and Process Your Emotions
The holidays can bring up a wide range of emotions, from grief and loss to frustration and exhaustion. It’s important to acknowledge and process these feelings instead of ignoring or suppressing them. As a survivor, you may have been made to feel that your emotions weren’t valid during your abusive relationship. Now, it’s time to honor your feelings and give yourself space to experience them. Checking in with yourself throughout the day can help—ask yourself how you’re feeling and what you might need to process those emotions in a healthy way.

4. Recognize and Navigate Triggers
For some survivors, the holiday season may bring up memories or experiences that are tied to past abuse. Whether it’s a specific event or a particular holiday tradition that’s connected to painful memories, recognizing potential triggers can help you prepare for and manage them. If you find yourself feeling emotionally triggered, remind yourself that it’s okay to take steps to protect your peace. Consider reading our previous blog post on navigating triggers for more guidance on how to cope.

5. Create New Traditions
If old holiday traditions are connected to difficult memories, or if your life has changed due to ending an abusive relationship, it may be time to create new traditions that feel more aligned with your healing journey. These new traditions could involve spending time with supportive friends or family members or even carving out moments of solitude for yourself. Whether it’s visiting a favorite coffee shop for a quiet reflection or spending time doing something that brings you peace, focus on building new traditions that nurture your body, mind, and spirit.

6. Let the Holidays Be What They Need to Be for You
Finally, permit yourself to let the holidays unfold in whatever way feels right for you this year. There’s no one-size-fits-all way to celebrate. Maybe this is a year where you keep things minimal, or perhaps it’s a year where you decide to do something completely different. It’s okay to acknowledge that you might not feel joyful or festive, and that’s perfectly understandable. Healing and reclaiming your sense of self during the holidays is a process, and it’s important to give yourself grace and patience as you navigate this season.

Conclusion

The holidays can be a difficult time for many people, especially for survivors of abusive relationships. If you find yourself struggling with difficult emotions or memories during this time, remember that it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. Take care of yourself, set boundaries that protect your well-being, seek help and support as needed, and let the holidays be what they need to be for you this year. Above all, be kind to yourself as you navigate this season.