Navigating Toxic Positivity on the Healing Journey

By Christine Murray

If you spend much time on social media, you've likely come across the term "toxic positivity." While this isn’t a highly technical scientific psychological term, it can be a useful phrase to describe the experience of minimizing deep, painful emotions and covering them up with oversimplified, seemingly encouraging statements.

For those who are people of faith, a related concept is "spiritual bypassing," which occurs when religious or spiritual teachings or statements are used to justify skipping over deeper emotional processing in favor of an overly positive, seemingly-spiritual outlook.

In this blog post, we’ll explore what toxic positivity is, how it differs from genuine encouragement, and strategies survivors of abusive relationships can use when facing toxic positivity from others—or even from themselves.

What Does Toxic Positivity Look Like?

Toxic positivity can come from both external sources (such as friends, family, or community members) and from within our own inner dialogue.

External Toxic Positivity

When coming from others, toxic positivity often sounds like well-meaning but dismissive statements, such as:

• "It’ll all be okay."
• "Just keep moving forward, and everything will turn out fine."
• "Other people have it worse."
• "At least you weren’t physically hurt."

When framed as spiritual bypassing, these statements might take forms like:

• "Just pray more about it."
• "Here’s a verse from scripture that will get you over this."

Internal Toxic Positivity

Survivors may also find themselves using toxic positivity in their own self-talk. Some examples include:

• "I should be over this by now."
• "It really wasn’t that bad."
• "I should just be grateful that I survived."
• "I’ll just keep praying, and everything will be okay."

Finding the Balance Between Positivity and Avoidance

It’s important to note that encouragement and positivity do have a valuable place in the healing journey. Supportive friends, professional guidance, and self-affirming thoughts can all be beneficial. For example, many survivors (myself included!) find strength in uplifting music, inspirational quotes, or spiritual texts. However, the key is to avoid using positivity as a way to bypass or minimize genuine pain and healing work.

Toxic positivity can be particularly harmful when it carries shame or guilt, making survivors feel like they “should” be healed by now or that their pain isn’t valid. Healing is a complex process that requires time, self-compassion, and space to fully process emotions.

Strategies for Navigating Toxic Positivity

If you recognize toxic positivity—whether from others or within yourself—here are a few ways to navigate it in a healthy way:

1. Increase Your Awareness: Simply understanding the concept of toxic positivity can be empowering. Not all positivity is harmful, but if a statement feels dismissive or minimizing, trust your gut. Being mindful of how certain words affect you can help you set boundaries and protect your emotional well-being.

2. Consider Whether to Address Toxic Positivity Coming from Others: When faced with toxic positivity from others, consider whether and how to respond. Ask yourself:

• Is this a one-time comment, or is it a pattern?
• What might be the person’s intention? Are they uncomfortable or unsure of what to say?
• Does engaging with this person on the topic feel beneficial, or would it cause me unnecessary stress?

For casual acquaintances, it may not be worth addressing, especially if you won’t be interacting with the other person much in the future. But if a close friend, family member, therapist, or clergy member frequently dismisses your pain, a conversation may be necessary to communicate your needs and boundaries.

3. Reframe Your Self-Talk: If you catch yourself using toxic positivity in your own thoughts, take a step back. Instead of saying, "I should be over this by now," try shifting to a more self-compassionate perspective: "Healing takes time, and I’m allowed to feel what I feel." Check out this past Source for Survivors blog post for more information about overcoming negative self-talk patterns. 

4. Examine Whether Positivity is Being Used as Avoidance: Ask yourself: Is this positivity helping me move forward, or is it preventing me from fully acknowledging my emotions? If you notice that surface-level positivity is being used to avoid deeper work, consider engaging in healing practices like journaling, professional counseling, or support groups that will allow you the space needed to process your emotions more fully.

Conclusion

Toxic positivity can show up in subtle ways, but by increasing your awareness, setting healthy boundaries, and practicing self-compassion, survivors can navigate their healing journeys with authenticity and depth. Encouragement and positivity have their place, but they should never come at the cost of invalidating real pain and growth. Healing isn’t about pretending everything is okay—it’s about honoring our experiences, processing our emotions in a meaningful way, and finding strength in the balance between hope and honesty.

As always, seeking professional support, joining a community of survivors, and prioritizing self-care can be invaluable steps in this journey. You deserve healing that acknowledges your full experience—not just the parts that seem easy to talk about.