Navigating Holiday Stress as a Survivor

By Christine Murray

The holidays can be a wonderful time of year, filled with holiday treats, celebrations, and connection. But for many survivors of abusive relationships, this season can also bring unique challenges and complicated emotions.

Survivors’ experiences around the holidays are diverse. Some may feel deep loneliness, especially if they’re spending the holidays apart from their children or loved ones. Others might feel anxious about facing questions from relatives about their past relationship or their current life. Many feel overwhelmed by the busyness and added pressures that often arise during the holiday season.

And for some survivors, the holidays might also bring painful memories of past years that were overshadowed or ruined by an abuser’s actions. For whatever reasons, please know you’re not alone and that it’s natural if this time of year doesn’t feel joyful or peaceful for you.

Honor Your Feelings and Needs

It’s understandable if the holidays feel hard. Give yourself permission to experience whatever emotions come up, whether that’s sadness, anger, grief, numbness, or even relief. You don’t need to force yourself into holiday cheer if that doesn’t feel genuine. Instead, focus on honoring your feelings and your current needs. This might mean setting aside extra time for rest, quiet reflection, or self-care. Journaling, engaging in creative outlets, or simply being present during moments of stillness can help you stay grounded through emotionally intense times.

Set Boundaries to Protect Your Peace

Boundaries are especially important during the holidays. Give yourself permission to make decisions and set boundaries that promote your well-being. Remember that you do not have to attend events, answer intrusive questions, or engage with people who make you uncomfortable or unsafe. It’s okay to say no, decline invitations, keep certain topics off-limits, or step away early from a gathering if it starts to feel overwhelming. If people pressure you to talk about your past relationship or other painful topics, you can prepare gentle but clear responses in advance, such as: “That’s not something I want to talk about right now,” or “Thanks for your concern, but I’m focusing on enjoying the day.” Your emotional well-being is important. Setting boundaries is a form of self-respect and self-protection.

Create New Traditions That Bring You Joy

Healing often means re-imagining what joy looks like for you. You might find comfort in creating your own new traditions that reflect where you are in your life now. Buy yourself a small gift that feels meaningful. Spend time with supportive friends. Enjoy a favorite holiday meal or dessert. Listen to uplifting music, even if it has nothing to do with the holidays. Or, if you prefer, skip festivities altogether and spend the time resting or reflecting. There’s no “right” way to celebrate (or not celebrate) the holidays. The key is to create space for what feels comforting and meaningful to you at this point in your healing journey.

Reach Out for Support If You Need It

If you’re feeling particularly distressed or lonely this holiday season, remember that help is available. Support is available 24/7 through the 988 Lifeline and the National Domestic Violence Hotline. You can also visit our Other Source for Survivors Resources page

Conclusion

It’s completely natural if you’re counting down the days until the holidays are over. But even during difficult seasons, try to create small moments of peace, comfort, and joy whenever possible. Be intentional about creating an upcoming holiday season that honors your needs, safety, and healing.