Healing from an Abusive Relationship Is A Lot Like Training for a Marathon

By Christine Murray

Last month, I crossed the finish line at the Pittsburgh Marathon—my seventh, and likely final, full marathon. I say “likely” because, as the years go by, the physical toll and schedule demands of training have become harder to manage. I still hope to take on a few more half-marathons and other shorter races, but completing this marathon felt like a meaningful milestone to me.

As I trained for Pittsburgh, I found myself often thinking about how the process of training for a marathon is a lot like the journey of healing from an abusive relationship. While the race itself is an exciting event, it’s the months of training that truly shape the marathon experience. Just like the journey of healing from abuse, it’s the day-to-day progress that makes the biggest difference. 

So, let’s consider how healing from abuse is, in many ways, like training for a marathon.

It Takes Time, Commitment, and Intention

There aren’t really any shortcuts to marathon training—and the healing process is similar. Both require an ongoing, intentional investment of time and energy. You can’t expect to complete a marathon without preparing, even if you’re like me and moving at a very slow pace! Similarly, healing from an abusive relationship requires patience, self-awareness, and steady effort over time.

Two of the six commitments in our Pathway for Supporting Survivors framework are relevant here: being intentional and taking a long-range view. Whether you’re building physical endurance or reclaiming your emotional well-being, the process isn’t quick. But with each intentional step, you move closer to strength and healing.

You Often Need Support, Even When It’s Hard to Ask

Marathon training often requires the support of others. That might mean carving out time in your family’s schedule, asking loved ones for flexibility, or seeking advice from a coach or experienced runner. In healing from abuse, the need for support is just as real—and often even more challenging to navigate.

When you’ve experienced abuse, especially in a close relationship, your trust may be shaken. Reaching out for help can feel vulnerable or scary. But support can come in different forms. It might look like attending therapy, joining a support group, reading a helpful book, or simply texting a friend when you’re struggling. Healing is hard enough—no one should have to go it alone.

You Need to Be Mindful of What You’re Taking In

Marathon training requires careful attention to hydration and nutrition—not just during the race, but throughout the training process. What you put into your body affects how you feel when you’re moving. 

The process of abuse recovery is similar. But instead of gels and water bottles, the “fuel” of healing might be uplifting music that boosts your mood, affirming trauma-informed resources, relationships that bring support instead of stress, or setting boundaries with people who drain your energy.


Take inventory of what you’re consuming—not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. Are you fueling your healing or depleting yourself with negativity, doubt, or guilt? Adjust your intake as needed to support your progress.

Not Everyone Will Understand Your Journey

When I tell people I train for marathons, I often get mixed reactions: some positive, others confused, and sometimes even critical. “Why would you want to do that?,” people ask. And the truth is, not everyone will understand.

The same holds true in healing. You may make choices others don’t get, like stepping away from dating, cutting off a toxic mutual friend, or seeking therapy. Some people may question your decisions or expect you to “move on” more quickly. But healing isn’t about meeting someone else’s expectations. It’s about making choices that honor your own needs and values.

And remember: You don’t need validation from others to do what’s best for you, whether it comes to training for a marathon or healing from an abusive relationship.

You Get to Go at Your Own Pace

One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned through marathon training is that pace doesn’t determine the magnitude of the accomplishment. Whether someone finishes in lightning speed or (like me) is simply aiming to be done before the race course closes, they’re still a marathon finisher.

The same is true in healing. Your pace is your own. Sometimes, progress comes quickly; other times, it’s slow and unsteady. Some days are full of breakthroughs, and others feel like you're just barely getting through.

My marathon times have changed over the years. My fastest - over a decade ago now - was about four hours, but these days, I often walk more than I run. And that’s okay. There’s no one “right” pace. The key is to keep moving forward in a way that feels meaningful to you.

Final Thoughts

Training for what is likely my final marathon gave me time to reflect on my running journey, as well as the parallels between physical endurance events and emotional healing. Neither path is easy. Both can involve pain, frustration, and setbacks, but they also are opportunities for strength, growth, and transformation.

You may not get a finisher’s medal at the end of your healing journey. You may not have a cheering crowd. But your journey is no less real, and your strength is no less powerful. So whether you’re in the earliest steps of healing, somewhere in the messy middle, or miles past the hardest parts: Keep going. Celebrate the small wins. And trust that, just like training for a marathon, every step you take is an important part of the process.