Giant Leaps, Baby Steps, and Setbacks: They’re All Part of the Healing Journey

By Christine Murray

The journey of healing from a past abusive relationship can be complicated, long, and winding. I’ve often wished there was a simple 5-step checklist that could lead to healing: First you do this, then that, and eventually, you’re healed!

If only the healing journey were that straightforward. In reality, each survivor's healing journey is unique. It's common to experience moments of significant progress, times of slow but steady improvement, and even setbacks. While the giant leaps forward in our healing journey may be the most exciting and easiest to celebrate, all parts of our healing journeys are meaningful and opportunities for growth.

Embracing the Journey

Every step along the way is an opportunity for growth, even the challenging ones. Sometimes we grow in ways we wish we didn't have to, especially when we’re responding to challenges. It would be nice to wave a magic wand and quickly pass through some of these difficulties, but in hindsight, some of the most difficult moments are also the greatest opportunities for self-awareness, learning valuable life lessons, and discovering inner strength we never knew we had.

Although we may wish we weren’t on this journey because it means we experienced abuse, there's something meaningful about being on a journey filled with moments for healing and gaining insight - even if we didn’t choose it.

Unique and Personal Journeys

One unique aspect of healing from abuse is that each journey is completely personal. My journey is different from yours, and your journey is unique from any other survivor's. While this uniqueness might seem frustrating because it can be harder to learn from each other’s experiences, it also allows us to make the healing process our own.

This individuality is valuable because it allows us to get to know ourselves better and understand our unique experiences while navigating this journey. After an abusive relationship, it’s common to lose touch with ourselves, as abusers often chip away at our self-worth and self-esteem. As I’ve discussed here in the blog before, it’s not uncommon to have to get to know ourselves again along the healing journey. Our unique perspectives and experiences provide opportunities to connect with ourselves and gain insight.

For example, each of us will find meaning and healing in different sources. Some people love meditation, while others find it challenging to embrace the stillness it brings. Some find comfort in religious or spiritual beliefs, while others don’t. Our relationships, the support we receive, and the healing pathways we take will differ for each person. This complexity, while at times challenging, allows us to observe our experiences and what resonates with us, offering opportunities for deeper self-connection and insight.

Giving Ourselves Time to Heal

Embracing the winding road of the healing journey allows us to give ourselves the time we need to heal, at our own unique pace. Abusive relationships are often intense and long-lasting. For most survivors, it’s unrealistic to expect a quick and easy recovery from such profound experiences. Embracing the winding road means giving ourselves permission to move at our own pace, without a set timeline or rigid steps to follow. This approach helps us to deeply and meaningfully recover and grow stronger than before.

Throughout the healing journey, we may experience giant leaps forward that are exciting. At other times, progress may come in tiny baby steps that feel frustratingly slow. Sometimes, we may even face setbacks, taking two steps forward and three steps back. These are all natural parts of the long, complicated, but ultimately triumphant process toward growth and renewal.

Moving Forward

Wherever you are on your healing journey, and whatever your journey has looked like so far, I invite you to embrace the ups and downs, the twists and turns, the forward steps, and the setbacks. Trust that even in the most uncertain moments, we are still moving forward toward healing and hope for a brighter future.