Embracing Being a Work-in-Progress

By Christine Murray

For much of my life, I have been the kind of person who likes to get things done. Completing a task, reaching a goal, or seeing an end product come together has always brought me a deep sense of satisfaction. In truth, that satisfaction usually has been wrapped up with equal parts of relief because I also often felt a lot of (mostly self-imposed) pressure to reach the outcome I’d been striving for.

Although there will always be a part of me that focuses on goals and outcomes, something I’ve been focusing on in recent years has been to enjoy the process along the way toward those goals and outcomes. As a goal-oriented person, learning to embrace the processes in life has not come easily or naturally to me. But it’s been a valuable opportunity for growth as I’ve aimed to focus more on staying mindful and grateful in the moment, whether or not I’ve got any tangible outcomes to show for it at any given point in time.

Embracing being a work-in-progress is a valuable way to approach the healing journey as a survivor of an abusive relationship as well. I’ve written before on this Pathway for Survivors Blog about how I’ve questioned, “What is the end game?” when it comes to my healing journey. As I wrote in that post: “The further along I’ve gotten in my healing journey, the more I wonder if ‘completing’ healing is even the point. I suspect this is something that differs from person to person. Some of us may feel like we can totally finish the process of personal healing, whereas others may view it as a lifelong process to manage and navigate, rather than to completely finish.”

There have been a few helpful mindset shifts I’ve had to make to help me embrace a work-in-progress approach to healing and in life overall. These include the following:

1. Realizing that being a work-in-progress is a reality, whether or not I like it: I may not like that I’m in the middle of some processes that may take a lot longer than I’d like to resolve, but these processes are necessary and will happen regardless of whether or not I’m happy about them! I’ve discovered that resisting necessary processes doesn’t make them go away or move any faster. So, by accepting wherever I am in the process, I can approach the necessary growth and next steps with a lot more ease.
2. Deciding to release myself from the additional pain of stress and worry that comes with resisting the process: Instead of adding frustration to an already-challenging process, I’ve found more peace by embracing the steps I need to take. This doesn’t mean the process is easy or painless, but it’s lighter without the added weight of self-criticism or impatience.
3. Appreciating opportunities for connection and support along the journey: When I’m fixated on achieving a specific outcome, I might miss chances to reach out for support or to learn from others who’ve walked a similar path. Embracing processes has helped me connect more deeply with others, finding reassurance and insights I might have missed by going it alone with my eyes fixed on the end goal.
4. Celebrating growth and lessons learned through the process: Acknowledging small victories and insights has been key to finding value in my journeys in life. I try to appreciate the lessons and inner strength I can gain, even when the ultimate goals still feels far away. Each step I take is its own feat, and that’s worth celebrating.
5. Realizing that reaching goals and outcomes feels much sweeter when I have not rushed or begrudged the process: The satisfaction of reaching a goal is so much deeper when I know I’ve taken my time, been kind to myself, and enjoyed the journey, rather than rushing through it. Embracing my own pace has allowed me to truly appreciate the progress I’ve made.

Healing from an abusive relationship can take time. I wish I had a magic wand to suddenly erase all of the pain and challenges along the healing journey for myself and all other survivors. Because that magic wand doesn’t exist, we can best support ourselves and each other by allowing ourselves to embrace being works-in-progress.

Healing isn’t usually a straight line, and it’s not a race. It’s a journey of patience, resilience, and self-compassion. So, as you continue on your path, remember that each step forward is a meaningful part of your progress. By embracing yourself as a work-in-progress, you’re choosing to honor your growth, your healing, and the strength you’re building along the way.