Reflecting on the Journey

Note: The See the Triumph campaign is now a resource managed here through The Source for Survivors. Today’s Pathway for Survivors Blog post is another one that is adapted from an archived blog post that used to be found on the See the Triumph site when it was a standalone website. The blog post below is adapted from that archived post, and we’re sharing it here since it is relevant to the overall work of The Source for Survivors. 

By Christine Murray

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
― Søren Kierkegaard

The journey that every survivor of an abusive relationship faces will be unique, and we know that there is no single way to define what the journey of recovering from abuse will look like for everyone.

We learned a lot about how survivors of abusive relationships experience the journey of healing and triumphing after an abusive relationship through the research that informed the See the Triumph campaign. For example, one of our study participants said, “It is a long, difficult, and sometimes very lonely road.”

When one is in the midst of this journey and all of its associated challenges, it can be easy to feel discouraged and even lost along the way. Survivors may find themselves focusing more on how much further they want to go, rather than on how far they have already come.

And so, in this post, you’ll find some quotes from survivors who participated in our See the Triumph research that show just how important it is along the journey to take time to pause for reflection on the way.

First, one participant in our research said, “There is a lot of work that survivors do to become healthy, functioning members of society and they are seldom, if ever, given the credit they deserve.” This quote highlights the work that is often involved along the journey and shows the importance of being intentional about that work.

Second, personal reflection can help survivors identify the lessons they have learned along that way, and how those lessons can drive changes they want to make in their lives. For example, see the following quotes:

• “Learning to look at the abuse objectively. For me, it took enrolling, and eventually majoring in, a Women's Studies class. Once I learned to look at what happened objectively, I could separate my feelings from what happened to realize that 1 - It wasn't my fault and 2 - I had a right to be angry and not be stigmatized for what happened to me.”
• “What I have done is educated myself to everything I can as to why, who, what, etc. I feel knowledge is powerful. I have left behind any friends or relationships that are not supportive of me or refuse to understand the negative effects of IPV.”

And third, personal reflection can lead to new insights that help survivors move forward with their healing process. One study participant said, “For me, a big obstacle to overcome in accepting and escaping abuse was the realization that I didn't have the power to fix or manage the situation. It wasn't about me or my behaviour. The violence was inevitable and all the patience, forgiveness and empathy, on my part, couldn't stop it.”

As Kierkegaard’s quote at the start of today’s post suggests, reflecting on the past can help people understand the experiences they have faced. In addition, this reflection can help people appreciate how far they have come. Appreciation for all of the big and small acts of courage that survivors have shown can offer additional strength and motivation as survivors live forward into the next steps of their journeys.