A Refresher on Our Pathways for Supporting Survivors Model: 6 Commitments for the Healing Journey4/29/2025 By Christine Murray
The Pathways for Supporting Survivors Model is the foundation of everything we do at Source for Survivors, providing a guiding framework for both survivors and those who support them. For those new to our community—or as a helpful refresher—this post offers a brief introduction to the Pathways for Supporting Survivors Model, which outlines six key commitments that can empower survivors on their healing journey. Healing from abuse is not a one-size-fits-all process, and these six commitments are not intended to be rigid, sequential steps but rather ongoing and evolving aspects of the healing journey. Survivors and supporters may engage with them at different times and in different ways, depending on their unique experiences and needs. The Pathway for Survivors: 6 Commitments for Healing
Each of these commitments can play a key role in a survivor’s healing process. If you’d like a deeper dive into how these commitments apply to survivors, you can explore our detailed introductory post here: https://www.sourceforsurvivors.info/survivorsblog/introduction-to-the-pathway-for-survivors-6-commitments-for-triumphing-over-abuse. Additionally, for those looking to support survivors, the Pathway for Supporters provides parallel commitments designed to foster safe and empowering support along survivors’ journeys—learn more here: https://www.sourceforsurvivors.info/communityblog/introduction-to-the-pathway-for-community-supports-6-commitments-for-being-survivor-centered. Wherever you are on your journey, remember: You deserve support, healing is possible, and you are not alone. Stay connected with us for more insights, encouragement, and resources along the way.
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By Christine Murray
If you spend much time on social media, you've likely come across the term "toxic positivity." While this isn’t a highly technical scientific psychological term, it can be a useful phrase to describe the experience of minimizing deep, painful emotions and covering them up with oversimplified, seemingly encouraging statements. For those who are people of faith, a related concept is "spiritual bypassing," which occurs when religious or spiritual teachings or statements are used to justify skipping over deeper emotional processing in favor of an overly positive, seemingly-spiritual outlook. In this blog post, we’ll explore what toxic positivity is, how it differs from genuine encouragement, and strategies survivors of abusive relationships can use when facing toxic positivity from others—or even from themselves. What Does Toxic Positivity Look Like? Toxic positivity can come from both external sources (such as friends, family, or community members) and from within our own inner dialogue. External Toxic Positivity When coming from others, toxic positivity often sounds like well-meaning but dismissive statements, such as:
When framed as spiritual bypassing, these statements might take forms like:
Internal Toxic Positivity Survivors may also find themselves using toxic positivity in their own self-talk. Some examples include:
Finding the Balance Between Positivity and Avoidance It’s important to note that encouragement and positivity do have a valuable place in the healing journey. Supportive friends, professional guidance, and self-affirming thoughts can all be beneficial. For example, many survivors (myself included!) find strength in uplifting music, inspirational quotes, or spiritual texts. However, the key is to avoid using positivity as a way to bypass or minimize genuine pain and healing work. Toxic positivity can be particularly harmful when it carries shame or guilt, making survivors feel like they “should” be healed by now or that their pain isn’t valid. Healing is a complex process that requires time, self-compassion, and space to fully process emotions. Strategies for Navigating Toxic Positivity If you recognize toxic positivity—whether from others or within yourself—here are a few ways to navigate it in a healthy way: 1. Increase Your Awareness: Simply understanding the concept of toxic positivity can be empowering. Not all positivity is harmful, but if a statement feels dismissive or minimizing, trust your gut. Being mindful of how certain words affect you can help you set boundaries and protect your emotional well-being. 2. Consider Whether to Address Toxic Positivity Coming from Others: When faced with toxic positivity from others, consider whether and how to respond. Ask yourself:
For casual acquaintances, it may not be worth addressing, especially if you won’t be interacting with the other person much in the future. But if a close friend, family member, therapist, or clergy member frequently dismisses your pain, a conversation may be necessary to communicate your needs and boundaries. 3. Reframe Your Self-Talk: If you catch yourself using toxic positivity in your own thoughts, take a step back. Instead of saying, "I should be over this by now," try shifting to a more self-compassionate perspective: "Healing takes time, and I’m allowed to feel what I feel." Check out this past Source for Survivors blog post for more information about overcoming negative self-talk patterns. 4. Examine Whether Positivity is Being Used as Avoidance: Ask yourself: Is this positivity helping me move forward, or is it preventing me from fully acknowledging my emotions? If you notice that surface-level positivity is being used to avoid deeper work, consider engaging in healing practices like journaling, professional counseling, or support groups that will allow you the space needed to process your emotions more fully. Conclusion Toxic positivity can show up in subtle ways, but by increasing your awareness, setting healthy boundaries, and practicing self-compassion, survivors can navigate their healing journeys with authenticity and depth. Encouragement and positivity have their place, but they should never come at the cost of invalidating real pain and growth. Healing isn’t about pretending everything is okay—it’s about honoring our experiences, processing our emotions in a meaningful way, and finding strength in the balance between hope and honesty. As always, seeking professional support, joining a community of survivors, and prioritizing self-care can be invaluable steps in this journey. You deserve healing that acknowledges your full experience—not just the parts that seem easy to talk about. By Christine Murray
Life as a survivor of abuse can feel overwhelming, chaotic, and confusing at times. The layers of complications stemming from the abuse—such as emotional, financial, legal, or relational—can touch nearly every aspect of life, making the healing journey feel daunting. It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed at various points along the healing journey. You may be navigating multiple challenges, from mental health struggles and parenting concerns to financial instability, career challenges, and re-establishing boundaries with friends or family members. Whether you’re newly beginning your healing journey or well into the process, the sheer complexity of recovery can make it difficult to know where to start. In this blog post, I want to suggest the concept of simplicity as a guiding principle that might be helpful along the healing journey. Focusing on simplicity can help counteract the chaos and confusion that abuse often leaves in its wake, providing a sense of clarity and direction as you move toward healing and recovery in different areas of your life. The Challenge of Embracing Simplicity For many survivors, simplicity may not come naturally. Abusers often thrive on creating confusion and drama, such as by using manipulation to gain and maintain control. This dynamic can persist even after the relationship ends, especially in cases of post-separation abuse. As a result, chaos and complexity may start to feel like a normal, even expected, part of life. If you can relate to this, shifting toward simplicity might feel foreign or even uncomfortable. The unpredictability of an abusive relationship may have led you to brace for complications at every turn. However, recognizing this pattern is a powerful first step toward reclaiming peace and control in your life. A Personal Reflection on Simplicity In my own life, the confusion and manipulation I experienced both during and after my abusive relationship left me feeling like complexity and tension were the norm. Even though I recognized the challenges I was facing as stressful, I didn’t immediately realize how much the complexity had infiltrated my thinking and daily life. It took an intentional effort to pause, reflect, and actively choose a different path—one that prioritized simplicity and peace. I won’t claim that this process was easy or fast, and I recognize that simplicity may not be the right guiding principle for every survivor. However, I encourage you to reflect on whether chaos and complexity have become unwelcome but steady companions in your life. If so, consider whether embracing simplicity could help create a sense of steadiness and empowerment in your healing journey. What Does Simplicity Look Like? At its core, simplicity is about reducing unnecessary complications and focusing on what truly matters. It doesn’t mean eliminating all challenges in life—some complexities are unavoidable—but rather aiming to find ways to build a life that is as manageable and peaceful as possible. Here are a few ways to consider applying simplicity as a guiding principle in the healing journey as a survivor: 1. Clarify Your Priorities: Instead of trying to change every aspect of your life at once, identify one or two key areas to focus on. Healing is a long-term process, and progress doesn’t happen all at once. You might have concerns spanning mental health, career, parenting, friendships, and finances—but trying to address all of these areas at once can lead to exhaustion. Prioritizing just one or two areas at a time can help make progress feel more achievable. 2. Streamline Decision-Making: Decision fatigue is real, especially for survivors navigating complex situations. Simplify where you can—whether it’s limiting your choices in daily routines, setting firm but clear boundaries, or breaking big decisions into smaller, more manageable steps. 3. Reduce Mental Clutter: If you find yourself caught in overthinking patterns, try grounding techniques, journaling, or working with a professional counselor to help calm your inner dialogue. Practicing mindfulness or setting designated “worry times” can also help contain anxious thoughts, making space for more peace. 4. Simplify Financial Recovery: Financial abuse is common in abusive relationships, and rebuilding financial stability in an abusive relationship can feel overwhelming. In our recent book Financial Abuse Recovery, we discuss how simplicity can be a powerful tool in this process. For example, rather than feeling pressured to master complex financial strategies, start with the basics: opening a single checking account, creating a basic budget, and setting small, attainable savings goals. 5. Embrace Small, Sustainable Steps: Healing is not about giant leaps; often, the most meaningful progress comes from small, consistent efforts. Choosing simplicity means letting go of unrealistic expectations and recognizing that even small steps forward are valuable. The Power of Letting Go While simplicity is a helpful guiding principle, it’s also important to be kind to yourself along the way. Healing from abuse is inherently complex, and striving for a completely uncomplicated life isn’t likely to be realistic. Instead, think of simplicity as a spectrum—one you’re gradually moving toward, not a perfect state you must immediately achieve. Give yourself grace and patience as you work through this process. If simplifying certain aspects of your life brings more ease and clarity, embrace it. But if some areas remain complicated despite your best efforts, remember that healing is not about perfection—it’s about progress. If simplicity resonates with you, consider ways to incorporate it into your healing journey. Take time to reflect on areas where you can reduce complexity, establish priorities, and cultivate peace. Every survivor’s path is unique, so tailor this approach in a way that feels most supportive to you. Above all, remember that healing is possible, and by choosing to focus on what truly matters, you can build a life that feels more peaceful, intentional, and empowering. By Christine Murray
For survivors of abusive relationships, unfairness can feel like a harsh reality and a deeply personal experience. The injustice of abuse itself is undeniable—offering love, kindness, and support in a relationship only to be met with pain and harm is profoundly unfair. But beyond that, survivors often encounter additional layers of unfairness, both during the abusive relationship and throughout the healing journey. As someone who has navigated my own healing journey and worked closely with many survivors, I have seen how this sense of unfairness can be overwhelming. It’s not just about what happened in the past—it’s about the lingering consequences that often don’t seem to impact the abuser in the same way. Recognizing and processing these feelings is an important part of healing for many survivors. In this post, we’ll explore some of the common injustices survivors face and strategies for managing the emotions that arise from them. Recognizing the Many Forms of Unfairness There are countless ways that unfairness manifests in the context of current or former abusive relationships. Here are some of the most common:
Processing and Managing the Emotions That Come with Unfairness Acknowledging any injustices you have faced is an important step in the healing process. Ignoring or suppressing these experiences and associated feelings can create barriers to healing. Below are some potentially helpful strategies to process and move forward: 1. Validate Your Feelings and Experiences It’s okay to acknowledge that what happened was not fair. You don’t have to downplay your feelings or pretend that everything is fine. Permit yourself to say, “This was unjust, and I deserved better.” Having supportive people who affirm your experiences—whether trusted friends, family members, or a counselor—can be incredibly healing. Affirmations can also help reinforce self-validation:
2. Allow Yourself to Fully Process Your Emotions Unfairness can stir up intense emotions—anger, sadness, disbelief, and even rage. These feelings are valid, and working through them is essential. Find safe ways to process your emotions, such as:
If you’d like to explore more about navigating the emotional roller coaster of healing, check out our past blog post on this topic. 3. Channel the Unfairness into Positive Action While you may not be able to change what happened to you, you might consider channeling your frustrations about the unfairness into positive action. Many survivors find empowerment by:
That said, always ensure that giving back doesn’t come at the cost of your own well-being. If advocacy or helping others becomes overwhelming or triggering, it’s okay to step back and prioritize your healing. 4. Seek Lessons and Empowering Decisions While no one should have to “learn” from an unjust experience, seeking lessons can sometimes be a way to regain a sense of control. For example:
Seeking lessons isn’t about minimizing the pain of what happened—it’s about reclaiming your power and creating a future that feels safer and more aligned with your needs. Moving Forward with Strength and Self-Compassion Survivors of abuse often carry heavy burdens of injustice. While we can’t always change what happened, we can choose how we process and respond to it. Healing is about finding ways to acknowledge what was unfair, give ourselves grace in the process, and take steps toward a life that feels more stable, empowered, and fulfilling. Remember, you are not alone. There is strength in facing these emotions and wisdom in seeking paths forward that honor your healing. You deserve fairness, justice, and peace, even if the journey toward them feels long. And most importantly, you deserve kindness—from yourself and from those who truly support you. If you need support, consider reaching out to a counselor, support group, or trusted loved ones. Healing is possible, and you deserve to move forward in a way that brings you peace. By Christine Murray
If you’ve been in an abusive relationship, it’s likely you are no stranger to the experience of having your personal boundaries violated. Because abusers are so focused on gaining power and control over their partners, they typically have little regard for honoring and respecting their victims’ boundaries. For this reason, many survivors find that a key challenge in healing from an abusive relationship is learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries in different areas of their lives. This may include navigating interactions with a former abuser, especially in cases of shared custody. However, the need to set and maintain healthy boundaries can show up in other relationships during the healing process as well. This might include with friends and family members, in the workplace, and in new romantic relationships if and when you’re ready to start dating again. If you’re interested in a quick overview of healthy vs. unhealthy boundaries, I invite you to check out this YouTube video developed through the Healthy Relationships Initiative that I coordinate: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3A_4GCAozVk. It’s just a couple of minutes long, but it’s proven to be a popular resource for learning some simple tips about healthy boundaries in relationships. Setting healthy boundaries is an important step toward fostering healthy relationships in our lives, but it’s not always easy. Effective verbal and nonverbal communication strategies are important for establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries. Once we begin to become clearer about how we want our boundaries to look and feel in our relationships, we need to intentionally communicate those wishes to others. This is especially true if we have been allowing unhealthy boundaries and other dynamics to exist without addressing any concerns previously. For many people, communicating directly about relationship boundaries can be quite uncomfortable. It may feel demanding or uncomfortable to be speaking so directly about our own needs in relationships. Therefore, it is important to reflect on communication strategies that feel as comfortable as possible to you and that reflect your preferred language and communication style. This includes both verbal (i.e., speaking directly with the other person using words) and nonverbal (i.e., your body language, as well as unspoken actions like not answering the phone if someone calls you later than you’ve asked them to stop calling) communication strategies. Once you’ve communicated your boundaries to others, it’s important to stay alert and be proactive about addressing any potential boundary violations that may occur. When another person violates your boundaries, this can give rise to a lot of powerful emotions and thoughts. It is important to take time to process these responses so that you can take care of yourself while also figuring out the healthiest possible way to respond and move forward. Below, you will find a series of questions that you can use to process your feelings, thoughts, and experiences in the aftermath of a boundary violation. For now, think of one recent example of a boundary violation you faced, and answer the questions. You can return to the same set of questions to help process any future boundary violations you may face as well.
Overall, clear, healthy boundaries are so critical for the overall health of our relationships. Most likely, if you have faced an abusive relationship, you know the pain and drama that can arise when another person violates your boundaries, as well as how difficult it can be to set and maintain a healthy boundary with a difficult person. It can take time to learn effective strategies to set and maintain healthy boundaries in different relationships in our lives. Remember, you are worthy of safe, healthy relationships. With time, you can continue developing the skills and tools needed to nurture them on your healing journey. |
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