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By Christine Murray
Abusive relationships can take a major toll on survivors’ sense of self-worth and sense of hope for a brighter future. The abusers’ harmful words and actions, and the overall dynamics in these relationships, can deeply impact how you view and care for yourself, sometimes lingering long after the relationship has ended. Taking time to reflect on these experiences can help you identify the ways they’ve shaped your self-esteem, while also offering insights to support your healing and reclaiming your sense of self. Below are some reflection questions designed to help you examine how abusive relationship experiences have affected your ability to love and honor yourself. Use these prompts as a starting point for gentle self-exploration, journaling, or even conversations with a trusted therapist or support group. Reflection Questions
Healing from an abusive relationship is not an easy, linear process, and you don’t have to do it all at once. As you work through these questions, give yourself grace and acknowledge your progress. Your journey toward rebuilding self-love and self-worth is deeply personal. By taking even small steps to care for yourself, you are reclaiming your sense of identity and honoring the resilient person you are.
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By Christine Murray
Recently, my colleague and I, Eileen Martin, released our new book, Financial Abuse Recovery: Financial Healing & Empowerment After Surviving an Abusive Relationship. This book had been on my heart to write for years before we actually started working on it over a year ago. Even if you never buy the book, you can check out the book’s website for an extensive list of resources related to financial empowerment for survivors: www.sourceforsurvivors.info/financialabuse. In today’s blog post, I want to share the reasons why the topic of financial recovery for survivors has been burning in my heart for so long that I just *had* to bring this book to life. There were two main lenses through which I learned about the powerful role that financial empowerment can play in survivors’ healing journeys. First, I saw this in my own personal healing journey, and second, I’ve seen repeatedly in my work as a counselor and advocate how closely survivors’ financial well-being is related to their overall healing and well-being. My Personal Journey Healing from my past abusive relationship has been an ongoing journey for many years. That relationship had a significant impact on my finances for many reasons. Beyond the financial strain, the psychological toll of financial abuse, gaslighting, and manipulation left me questioning my confidence and judgment in financial matters. I hadn’t received much formal education on personal finances in school, so when I began taking steps to rebuild my life, I felt like I was wandering in the dark at first. I dove headfirst into learning everything I could—reading books and magazines, listening to personal finance podcasts, and experimenting through trial and error. What started as a necessity quickly grew into a passion. As I learned more about how to manage money, I began to see clear connections between personal finance and the process of abuse recovery. Financial empowerment became not just a practical tool for stabilizing my life, but also a deeply personal source of healing. Setting goals, mapping out plans, and tracking my progress helped me regain a sense of control and confidence. Each small step—whether paying off debt, saving for my sons’ education, or investing for the future—felt like reclaiming a positive future for myself and my children. This personal journey taught me that financial empowerment isn’t just about numbers. It’s about freedom, choices, and the ability to create a life aligned with your values and dreams. Lessons from Working with Survivors As a counselor, researcher, and advocate, I’ve seen time and again how closely financial recovery is tied to overall healing for survivors of abuse. The writing of this book was inspired by seeing the financial challenges and triumphs of many fellow survivors, and the book aims to address some of the most pressing challenges survivors face in achieving financial independence and security. We wrote this book with three key messages in mind:
If you’re interested in learning more about financial empowerment and recovery for survivors, visit the resources compiled on our book’s website: www.sourceforsurvivors.info/financialabuse. Wherever you are in your journey, know that financial healing is possible. Every step you take toward financial empowerment—no matter how small—can be a step toward reclaiming your freedom, confidence, and sense of control over your life. Note: Portions of this blog post have been adapted from the Financial Abuse Recovery book. By Christine Murray
The effects of an abusive relationship often linger long after the relationship ends. One area where these effects can show up is in your inner dialogue—the way you talk to yourself. The messages you internalize during an abusive relationship can shape how you see yourself, your worth, and your ability to heal. Abusers often intentionally plant seeds of doubt and negativity, leading survivors to internalize negative, untrue beliefs about themselves For many survivors, negative self-talk becomes an unwelcome habit, and yet learning to monitor and transform your inner dialogue become a powerful tool along the healing journey. That’s why monitoring and working toward positive self-talk is a key part of the healing journey for survivors. Your inner dialogue has the power to influence your emotions, decisions, and overall well-being. With intention and practice, you can begin to reclaim your inner voice, transforming it into a source of encouragement and support. Below, we’ll explore how to become more aware of your self-talk patterns and take steps toward reshaping them to support your healing processes. Building Awareness of Your Self-Talk Transforming your inner self-talk begins with awareness. Start by dedicating a specific time frame to track your thoughts and emotions, especially those tied to the abusive relationship. Monitoring your self-talk even a short period of time, such as 24 to 48 hours, can provide valuable insights into your patterns without feeling overwhelming. During this time, consider keeping a written log of your thoughts and associated feelings. Whether you prefer a journal, a daily planner, or a simple piece of paper, choose a system that feels manageable for you. The goal is to create a place where you can keep track of what’s happening in your inner world without judgment or pressure to change things right away. Observing Without Judgment During the time frame when you’re tracking your inner dialogue, try setting regular check-ins. You might use reminders on your phone or a timer to pause every 30 to 60 minutes during the day to reflect on what’s been on your mind. At each check-in, write down the thoughts that have come up and the emotions accompanying them. Make note of any positive, negative, and neutral thoughts you recognize that reflect the way you’re talking to yourself. For now, focus on observing your inner dialogue, and release yourself from any pressure you may feel to change things right away. Give yourself permission to simply notice what your mind is telling you. Maybe you’ll uncover recurring doubts, fears, or self-criticisms that trace back to the abuse you faced. While it might be difficult to see these patterns at first, remember that awareness is a powerful first step toward change. Reflecting on Patterns Once your tracking period ends, take time to review what you’ve recorded. Ask yourself:
These reflections can help you identify where the effects of the abusive relationship are lingering in your self-talk and point to opportunities for growth and healing. You may also notice self-talk patterns that relate to other positive or negative life experiences you’ve had that aren’t directly related to your history of being in an abusive relationship. Remember that you can strive toward growth and healing in all areas of your life, not just directly related to your experiences in an abusive relationship. Embracing Change Becoming aware of your inner dialogue is empowering because it opens a door to positive change. With time and practice, you can work on shifting negative self-talk into more supportive and compassionate thoughts. Start small, focusing on moments when you can replace a negative thought with kindness or encouragement. Over time, these small shifts add up, helping you build a more positive and affirming relationship with yourself. Closing Thoughts Rewriting your inner dialogue is not an overnight process, but it is a very worthwhile one, especially for survivors of abusive relationships. The dialogue inside your head has the potential to be your greatest ally, cheering you on as you navigate your healing journey. By building greater self-awareness and intentionally choosing self-compassion over criticism, you’re taking bold steps toward reclaiming your sense of self-worth and building a future filled with hope, resilience, and self-love. The words you say to yourself matter. You deserve to hear kindness and encouragement—not just from others, but from within. Take the time to listen, reflect, and nurture your inner dialogue as you continue your healing journey. |
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