 By Christine Murray In all my years working in the domestic violence field, a recurring occurrence has been people from various aspects of life—be it through work, friends, family members, or neighbors—reaching out to seek help with supporting someone they care about who is involved in an abusive relationship. It might be their sibling, daughter, niece, coworker, friend, neighbor, or any number of possible relationships through which they are connected to that person. The theme of supporting a friend involved in an abusive relationship is one we've extensively explored through our See the Triumph campaign. You can find a Collection of See the Triumph blog posts and resources on this topic by visiting the following link: http://www.seethetriumph.org/collection-how-to-help-a-friend.html. In today's post, I’ll delve into a specific aspect of supporting a loved one involved in an abusive relationship—the importance of self-care. While dedicating yourself to caring for and supporting your loved one, it's crucial to prioritize your own well-being as well. Supporting someone involved in an abusive relationship poses significant challenges. The journey can be tumultuous, time-consuming, and stress-inducing, even if you feel good about being in a position to offer your loved one support during the difficult time they’re facing. Offering long-term support can become challenging, and without proper self-care, supporters may face burnout. This burnout can result in severed relationships and the crucial support survivors need being cut off. If you’re in a position to support someone who is close to you as they navigate an abusive relationship, it’s essential to care for your own well-being while you’re offering support to the other person. Below, I’ll share strategies for caring for yourself while supporting someone in our lives who is involved in an abusive relationship. First, remember that the person involved is in the best position to make decisions for their own life. It's helpful to detach somewhat from specific outcomes or the steps that the person takes in an abusive relationship. While offering advice or making suggestions is well-intentioned, it can be frustrating when the individual doesn't follow your recommended course of action, whether it's leaving the relationship immediately or taking other steps that seem necessary to you. It's important to navigate any frustrations you face with patience and understanding, acknowledging that the person knows their situation best and may face complexities that aren't immediately apparent to you. In these challenging situations, it's crucial to establish clear boundaries between your opinions and thoughts about what should happen and the autonomy of the other person. Remind yourself that the individual will make choices they need to make, even if it conflicts with your well-intentioned advice. While you may have valid and helpful thoughts about their situation, it's essential to respect their autonomy and timelines. There are exceptions, particularly when mandated reporting is necessary due to abuse involving children. If you're aware of abuse that children are witnessing or are otherwise involved, and reporting is mandated in your jurisdiction, you may need to step in and make a report to the authorities even if that’s not what the survivor wants to happen. Setting aside these kinds of exceptional situations, it's vital to create space between your own perspectives and the survivors’ need to think through their unique situation for themselves. If desired, offer guidance and assistance without imposing your opinions, fostering an environment where they feel empowered to make their own decisions. This approach not only respects their autonomy but also strengthens their ability to navigate the complexities of their situation. Next, it's important to prioritize self-care and self-compassion. Supporting someone in the chaos of an abusive relationship can be very challenging. The concern for your loved one's safety, as well as your own, may be overwhelming. It's not uncommon to lose sleep or constantly dwell on how to help them. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, distraught, or experiencing secondary trauma such as sleep disturbances or nightmares related to the situation, it's a sign that it’s time to prioritize self-care. Take time for yourself to take a break from thinking or talking about the relationship, and engage in coping and relaxation strategies that work for you. Whether it's through mindfulness, exercise, creative activities, or any other strategies that bring you comfort, incorporating these practices into your routine can significantly contribute to maintaining your emotional resilience. Third, prioritize safety, including your own. Abusive relationships can be dangerous, contributing significantly to the concern and distress you feel for your loved one. While being there to support them, be mindful of safety considerations, placing the well-being of both yourself and your loved one at the forefront. Familiarize yourself with local resources and safety protocols. Know the local emergency hotlines and the procedure for immediate crisis situations, such as contacting 9-1-1 or the relevant call center. Being well-prepared ensures that you can respond effectively to potential threats and prioritize safety. Additionally, consider your emotional safety and the emotional safety of your loved one. Evaluate the safety implications of the support you're offering and how you involve yourself in the situation. Abusive relationships can be volatile and unpredictable, so seek guidance as needed from local domestic violence resources in your community, including law enforcement, domestic violence agencies, and victim advocates. Trained professionals can provide valuable insights into the protections available for you and your loved one in case safety concerns arise. Collaborating with these resources enhances your ability to navigate potential risks and ensures that emotional safety is also prioritized in the support you provide. Finally, take a long-range view. Some abusive relationships end quickly, but often, they endure for a long time-frame that is marked by chaos and distress. Exercise patience with your loved one as they navigate their feelings, make decisions, and determine the steps to take. Understand that it's normal for the process to be extended, and even after the abusive relationship ends and safety is achieved, your loved one may still experience distress. In some cases, abuse may persist even after the relationship has officially ended. This is particularly true when survivors need to maintain contact with their former abuser, such as in situations involving children, custody issues, or ongoing court cases. Taking a long-range view involves recognizing that the aftermath of an abusive relationship may last for a long time. Find the right level of support to offer that feels helpful to you, and be aware of your own limits as you support your loved one on their journey. Conclusion. In conclusion, remember that you can provide support in a way that is both meaningful and sustainable for the long term. Offer to help connect your loved one with other sources of support so you aren’t shouldering every aspect of emotional, practical, and tangible support on your own. Connecting them with community resources and additional potential sources of support, such as friends, family, or co-workers, can help build a circle of support around the survivor. Even if you find yourself as a primary source of support, you can establish healthy boundaries for yourself as you offer support and take care of yourself along the way. Supporting someone through an abusive relationship can be incredibly challenging. It may be tempting to disengage, and sometimes this becomes necessary, even if just for a temporary period of time. However, maintaining a long-range perspective, prioritizing safety, and offering consistent support can make a significant difference. What are some other ideas you have for how people can take good care of themselves while also supporting a loved one who involved in an abusive relationship? Please share your thoughts in the comments below. 
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 By Christine Murray Survivors of past abuse benefit when the members of their communities are well-equipped to offer them support (if and when needed) during and after they’ve lived through an abusive relationship. This includes those closest to them, such as their friends and family members, as well as their extended social networks and the professionals they may encounter when seeking services and support of all kinds. In my years of experience working in the mental health and domestic violence fields, I’ve seen countless people struggle when someone they know reveals to them that they are or were in an abusive relationship and need help related to the abuse. For this reason, I believe everyone would be wise to be prepared to offer support to survivors. You never know when someone you care about or work with may disclose abuse to you, or when you may come to suspect that someone is in an unsafe relationship but is afraid to tell you. Take a moment to consider how prepared you would be if you were in one of these situations. There are a number of steps you can take to prepare to offer support to a survivor in your life. If you’re in a professional field in which survivors may seek your support, it’s helpful to seek formal professional training opportunities to learn effective strategies that are unique to your discipline and the organization where you work. For both professionals and members of the general community, you can seek out credible sources of information to learn about the dynamics of abusive relationships, the impacts of abuse, and trauma recovery processes. See our Other Resources page for some links to get started. Here are five other ways anyone can offer support to survivors who open up about their experiences with them:* First, show survivors that you believe them. Many survivors are used to their abusers trying to discredit or confuse them. It makes a huge difference to know that someone cares about you and believes you. It is very, very rare for people to lie about or make up stories of having been abused. Rather, it’s much more common that people minimize or deny the extent of the harm they have experienced. If a survivor opens up to you about having been abused, honor their experiences by believing them. Second, validate their emotions and the hurt and pain in their experiences. You might say, “That must have been so painful to experience,” or “You have every right to feel angry/hurt/outraged,” or even simply, “It makes total sense you’d feel that way.” Those kinds of validating words can be music to the ears of a survivor as they navigate the intense, complex emotions that often arise after having been abused. Third, be very intentional about avoiding any direct or indirect implications that the survivor was to blame for the abuse they experienced. You might remind the survivor that the abuser was fully responsible for their harmful actions. Also, you could say, “This was not your fault. You didn’t deserve to be treated this way.” Fourth, whenever possible, give space for the survivor to make decisions for themselves, as well as set their own pace for healing and sharing their story with you. It’s always important to support survivors in being empowered to lead the way so that any support you might offer will be in line with what they need (and not just what you think they need). Fifth, offer your support, while being mindful of your boundaries and limitations on the types of help you can offer (either personally or based on guidelines of your professional role). You can reinforce your commitment to offering support by saying, “I’m here for you.” One more bonus tip for getting prepared to offer support to survivors is to become familiar with relevant community resources in your local area and where to find other resources if you’re helping someone who doesn’t live in the same community as you. It’s helpful to know about local and state domestic violence agencies, mental health counselors who are trained to work with survivors, and community resource and referral hotlines. National resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline are helpful to become familiar with as well. You never know if and when someone in your life might experience abuse or disclose that they have a history of having been abused. Whether you’re a professional who might encounter a survivor through your work or if you’re simply a parent, friend, coworker, or neighbor of someone who has faced abuse, you can make a big difference in the life of any survivors who may benefit from your support. Prepare in advance so you’ll be ready to offer your best support if and when a survivor opens up to you about their experiences. * Note: I’ve adapted these five tips from my TEDxGreensboro talk, Every Survivor Has a Story that Matters.  Resources for Learning More About Abusive Relationships, Trauma Recovery, and Mental Health1/16/2024  By Christine Murray An important step that community supporters can take to be better equipped to support survivors in their healing journey is to seek out additional training and information to understand common experiences that survivors face. Of course, it’s always important to keep in mind that every survivor’s experience will be unique, but some foundational knowledge about common dynamics of abusive relationships, trauma recovery, and mental health is extremely valuable for being able to offer adequate support. In today’s Pathway for Community Supports blog post, I’ll share some resources that I’ve reviewed and believe to offer credible information that may be helpful to professionals and other community supporters, including family members and friends who are concerned about a loved one. I’ve divided the resources below into three categories: (1) the dynamics of abusive relationships and impacts on survivors, (2) recovery from trauma and abuse, and (3) general mental health information resources. Please note: Since the list below includes a lot of links to external resources that I don’t have control over, it’s likely that their availability and/or the information they include may change over time. Therefore, please consider this list current as of the day this post is being shared (Tuesday, January 16th, 2024), and please consider carefully when you review these and any other resources about sensitive topics like these to decide for yourself whether they are credible and relevant to the unique circumstances of any survivor you are supporting. Resources about General Dynamics of Abusive Relationships and Their Impacts on Survivors
Resources about Recovery from Trauma and Abuse
General Mental Health Information Resources
Exploring the extensive list above may seem overwhelming at first, but remember, you don't need to absorb everything at once. Take it one step at a time. Consider starting with just one resource that resonates with you or addresses a specific question you have. Each piece of information you gather, no matter how small, contributes to your understanding and ability to support survivors on their long-term abuse recovery journey. If you've found certain resources particularly valuable, don't hesitate to share them with others who might benefit. Continuous learning is a key aspect of supporting survivors effectively. If you run into challenges or concerns with any of the resources listed above, feel free to reach out through our contact channels. Together, we can build a community of informed and compassionate supporters. Remember, an ongoing commitment to learning makes a meaningful impact on the support you offer to survivors.   By Christine Murray The Source for Survivors has two main audiences: (1) Survivors of intimate partner violence and other forms of interpersonal violence who are walking the long-term healing journey and (2) Community supporters -- including both professionals and personal supporters like family members and friends -- who are interested in supporting survivors on their long-term healing journeys. Focusing on community supporters, our Pathway for Community Supports outlines 6 Commitments to Being Survivor-Centered. Over time, we’ll share a lot of resources for community supporters related to each of those 6 Commitments. However, as we’re just getting started, today I’ll share a working definition of what being “survivor-centered” means. The term survivor-centered has long been used in the arena of services for domestic violence and other forms of interpersonal violence and abuse. Below is a brief list of some ways others have described this approach:
Building on the definitions above, our Source for Survivors working definition of being survivor-centered while supporting survivors in their long-term healing journey following experiences of abuse has four parts:
Understanding survivors’ needs, experiences, and perspectives. There are two main ways that community supporters can gain more insight into survivors’ needs, experiences, and perspectives. First, you can learn directly from the survivor(s) you are supporting. Take time to listen to their stories, use active listening practices, ask open-ended questions, create a safe space for the survivors to share more of their experiences (while also honoring their right to choose how much to share, and how soon), and withhold judgments and assumptions that may get in your way of truly understanding the survivors’ own experiences (versus your own interpretations of those experiences). Seeking to learn directly from each survivor you encounter is extremely valuable, because every survivor has a unique story to tell and has their own personal needs and perspectives. Second, you can seek out credible sources of information to learn about general dynamics of abusive relationships and the process of recovering from past abuse. While it’s so important to learn directly from each survivor about their unique experiences, it also can be extremely helpful to gain more general knowledge and awareness about abusive relationships and trauma recovery. This knowledge will help you bring a baseline level of understanding to the support you’re offering. In an upcoming Source for Survivors blog post (coming up the week of January 15th!), I’ll share some excellent free, online educational resources about domestic violence, abuse recovery, and mental health. In the meantime, you can visit our Other Resources page for a few initial sources of additional information on these topics. Prioritizing survivors’ needs, experiences, and perspectives in the ways you offer support. Understanding the lived experiences of survivors is an important first step to being survivor-centered. It’s important to build on that understanding and make an intentional commitment to make that understanding a priority in your interactions with survivors. Being intentional about this is so important that it’s the first Commitment in our Source for Survivors Pathway for Community Supports. Below are two examples of ways that helpers can bring this priority to life:
Empowering survivors to lead the way through all phases of their healing journeys. For decades, an empowerment approach has been integrated into domestic violence service agencies. This approach focuses on supporting survivors to make decisions for themselves and their own well-being. An empowerment approach is a valuable framework for supporting survivors who are in abusive relationships, and also while they are breaking free from those relationships. The empowerment approach also is a useful way to approach supporting survivors through the long-term healing journey, especially because abusive relationships are disempowering for most survivors because of the many ways that abusers exert power and control. For many survivors, the long-term journey of recovering from past abuse is a “long way home to myself,” as a survivor who participated in the See the Triumph research I’ve conducted with my colleagues described it. I’ve always loved that quote because it underscores how individualized the healing journey is. Unless there are immediate safety risks (e.g., if a survivor is in a mental health crisis and at risk of harming themself or others) or there are legal mandates for intervening (e.g., if there is suspected child maltreatment that needs to be reported to the authorities), in general it is wise to empower and support survivors in making decisions for themselves, even if you as a helper may disagree with those decisions. For example, if a survivor says they are not ready to seek counseling, but you think they really should do so, you should likely honor their decision and avoid pressuring them to seek that type of support. Aim to support the survivor right where they are, and continue to empower and support them in making the right decisions for themselves at any given moment. I’ll add that it’s very important for helpers--whether professionals or friends and family members--to take good care of themselves and set healthy boundaries while using this empowerment approach. We’ll cover the topic of self-care for helpers a lot in future blog posts here, but I want to acknowledge that the empowerment approach can be very challenging at a personal and emotional level for supporters, especially if you’re personally concerned about the impact of a survivors’ decisions on their own or others’ well-being. Keep in mind that you can also personally use an empowerment mindset in thinking about how to care for your own well-being, while also supporting survivor(s) along their healing journey. Engaging survivors by “making space at the table” for them whenever possible. Finally, especially at the organizational level (e.g., service agencies, healthcare providers, community systems), being survivor-centered often involves actively creating opportunities for survivors to partner with you to inform decisions and plans about how services and resources are offered to survivors. There are many possible ways to engage survivors in organizational decision-making, such as the following:
Recognizing the uniqueness of each survivor’s healing journey, it’s also important to aim for diversity in the types of experiences and backgrounds among the survivors represented in these ways. Conclusion. Being survivor-centered is a continuous journey, not a one-time task to check off. Just as survivors embark on a long-term process of recovery, community supporters, too, are on a journey to build and sustain a survivor-centered approach. In this post, we've reviewed a four-part working definition, urging an understanding of survivors' needs and experiences, prioritizing their perspectives, and empowering them in decision-making. Stay connected to the Pathway for Community Supports Blog as we delve deeper, offering more resources and insights to carry out the survivor-centered commitment.   By Christine Murray
Embarking on the journey of supporting a survivor of past abuse is both a privilege and a daunting responsibility. As you listen to their courageous and vulnerable stories, you may find yourself grappling with uncertainty, unsure of the best way to provide the support they need. Every survivor has unique needs, varying at different points in their healing journey. Yet, survivors commonly share key needs when opening up about their experiences—needs such as support, validation, a safe space for expression, and encouragement. Recognizing and addressing these shared needs is crucial for anyone seeking to offer meaningful support. In this blog post, we explore five actionable strategies to create a safe and supportive space for survivors when they open up to you. From allowing them to share at their own pace to reaffirming ongoing support, these suggestions aim to empower you in offering meaningful assistance during their healing journey. First, allow the survivor to share their experiences with you at a pace that feels comfortable to them. Practice patience and allow the survivor’s story to unfold to a level and at a pace that they feel comfortable with. There may be parts of their experiences that they aren’t ready to share with you, today or ever. Reassure them that you’re there for them, but also you want them to choose to share whatever they feel safe and comfortable sharing, and it’s okay if there are parts of their experiences they want to keep private. Second, express open-ended questions and prompts in a non-judgmental tone. Once you’ve established that the survivor is leading the way in sharing their experiences with you, you can invite the survivor to share more (to their level of comfort) by asking open-ended questions and using open-ended prompts, while also maintaining a nonjudgmental tone. Below are a few examples you might consider bringing into your conversation:
Examples of validating statements you could make include, “That must have been so awful to go through,” “You have every right to feel that way,” “You have really been hurt by that other person,” and “It was wrong how the other person treated you.” Of course, use whatever wording feels right to you, as well as what you think will resonate with the survivor. These kinds of validating statements can go a long way toward helping the survivor feel seen and supported. Fourth, resist the urge to offer your advice or interpretations. While listening to a survivor share their experiences with you, you may have some ideas come to mind about advice you’d like to offer them. While there may be a time and place for offering advice, it’s important to stay focused on the survivor’s needs and perceptions. Before offering advice, consider asking a question like, “What do you think you’d like to do next?,” to prompt them to seek their own inner guidance first. If you do have advice you think is appropriate to offer, consider asking the survivor first if they’d like to hear it (e.g., “I have a suggestion I could offer about that, but is that something you’d like to hear now?”) or frame it in tentative--rather than certain--terms (e.g., “Have you considered trying…” instead of “What you should do now is…”). Finally, reaffirm your (and/or others’) ongoing support for their healing journey. Unless you are in a situation where you are certain you’ll only have one opportunity to connect with this survivor--such as if you are a one-time crisis responder or are a healthcare provider who only has one visit with the survivor--let them know that you’re there for them to provide future support if that would be helpful to them. If there are limits to the support you can provide, explain those limitations in an open, transparent manner, but also provide other potential sources of support that are available to them (e.g., “In our agency, counselors are only able to meet with clients up to three times, but here are some other resources in our community where you could turn for more long-term services or support.”). If you are in a position in which you can provide more ongoing support, below are a few phrases you could use to affirm your continued support for them:
Do you have other suggestions for how supporters can offer a safe space for survivors when they open up to them? If so, please share those suggestions in the comments so other readers can see them as well!  By Christine Murray
Starting something new is almost always exciting and nerve-wracking. This is my first blog post for The Source for Survivors, aside from the introduction posts to provide an overview of the Pathway for Survivors and the Pathway for Community Supports. As I pondered what my next first post should be, I couldn’t help but feel some pressure to figure out the “perfect” starter blog to set the right tone for the two Source for Survivors blogs. I’ve brainstormed lots of topics that I can cover in future posts for both survivors and community supports, but figuring out the “right” topic to start with felt really important. While sorting through my internal sense of pressure to pick the “best” place to start, I realized that this pressure is similar to how many people feel when they are facing new beginnings. Most relevant to The Source for Survivors, I realized the pressure of trying to figure out the “right” starting place for this blog is likely similar to how many survivors feel as they are starting on their healing journey, as well as to how community supporters may feel when they want to figure out the best starting point for making changes to be more survivor-centered. Why do so many of us put so much pressure on ourselves to figure out the right place to start? I think there are at least three big reasons:
Just because we're facing a new start doesn't mean that we're starting from scratch. It's easy for me to look at The Source for Survivors as something totally new. But, the truth is that even though this is a new resource I’m gearing up to launch, the resource and this specific blog post are, in many ways, building on my life's work and experiences that led me to this point of recognizing the need for this resource and mustering up the courage to launch it. Similarly, if you’re a survivor who is either entering a new phase of your healing journey or who feels like you’re starting a brand new healing process, remember that you’re not starting from scratch, either. Instead, you're building on a series of successes, challenges, failures, life lessons, and experiences that have brought you right to this point. The same could be said for community supporters who are looking to become more survivor-centered. The truth is, while you might at times feel like you're stepping outside of your comfort zone and don't know where to begin, in reality, you’re building on the collective wisdom, organizational history, and/or life experiences that you've had. It’s also important to resist the temptation to compare your starting point with the journeys of others. There’s a part of me that wishes that this were my 100th (or even 1,000th) blog post for The Source for Survivors. Wouldn’t it be nice to just fast forward to where other, more sustained blogs are, where any one single post didn’t feel like it carried so much weight? Perhaps, but I need to be careful not to compare my process with this blog with others (and even my own prior work, such as the See the Triumph blog, which has been in existence for over 10 years now!). If you're a survivor and you're facing a fresh starting point along your journey from healing from abuse, honor where you are today and try to avoid getting derailed by your perception of where other people are. Outwardly, others may look to be farther along, but we never know what kinds of internal struggles people are facing. It’s also possible that others are more progressed in their healing, but you only know a little bit about how long and difficult a struggle they’ve faced. Try to withhold judging or belittling yourself for where your starting point is in comparison to others. Keep in mind that your journey is your own. If you represent a community-based organization or service provider, or if you’re an individual striving to support a loved one who is healing from past abuse, honor your unique starting point as well. Look to other organizations or individuals who have taken steps to infuse survivor-centered supports in their approach for inspiration, not self-condemnation. It takes time and dedication to grow in your capacity to offer truly supportive, trauma-informed approaches. Making an initial commitment to being survivor-centered may not feel significant, but it’s an important catalyst for further change. Finally, it's crucial to acknowledge that there isn’t one 'perfect,' 'right,' or 'best' starting point when it comes to healing from abuse or embracing a survivor-centered approach. Honor your unique starting point. In time, you might reflect and think about starting earlier, later, or in a different way. But looking back, we don't always see things clearly, and hindsight isn’t always 20/20. Trust that you are getting started right where you should be. Embrace your journey, and remember, every step forward is a significant achievement. Today is a starting point for you (or your organization). Tomorrow will be a new starting point, and the day after that, and every day after that as well. Each day brings a new opportunity to commit to your healing if you’re a survivor, or your dedication to being survivor-centered if you are a supporter. Don't worry if it's perfect, if it's right, or if it's the best place to start. Just know that your starting point today is right where you need to be, and it'll take you where you need to go, especially if you commit to learning and growing along the journey. So, cheers to new beginnings, fresh starts, and starting points - even when we don’t know exactly where they will take us! I would love to hear about your thoughts about starting points, so feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below. Introduction to The Pathway for community supports: 6 Commitments for being survivor-centered11/22/2023  By Christine Murray
The Pathways for Supporting Survivors Model offers a guiding framework that empowers individuals on their journey to recovery from abuse. This blog post introduces the application of this model to community supports and resources. To delve deeper into the overall model and its application to both survivors and community supports, you can find more information here. There are many community settings, systems, and services through which survivors of abuse may seek support during their healing process, including healthcare systems, faith communities, workplaces, judicial systems, and educational institutions. Often, survivors also seek support from friends and family members, so the Pathway for Community Supports also will address ways that people can support a loved one who faced abuse. As we explore this pathway, consider the vital role that you, as a member of various community settings, play in supporting survivors on their healing journey. The Pathway for Community Supports applies the 6 commitments in the Pathways for Supporting Survivors Model to offer a framework for community supports to commit to survivor-centered approaches in their responsiveness to survivors’ needs and experiences. As a reminder, the 6 commitments are not a sequential set of steps that must happen in a prescribed order. Rather, the 6 commitments typically co-occur simultaneously and evolve over time. Understanding the Pathway for Community Supports Here is a brief overview of the Pathway for Community Supports: Pathway for Community Supports: 6 Commitments for Being Survivor-Centered
A Deeper Introduction to Each of the 6 Commitments for Community Supports This section provides a deeper (but still brief) introduction about each commitment. Stay tuned to the Source for Survivors Blog on the Pathway for Community Support for much more information about each commitment in the future! Commitment 1: Commitment to being intentional about centering survivors' needs and experiences. There are often many forces at play within community support organizations and networks that can work against their ability to be survivor-centered--such as lack of financial resources, policies and processes that must be followed, and a widespread lack of professional training about the dynamics of abusive relationships and ways to support survivors and hold offenders accountable. There also remains a significant amount of stigma surrounding the issue of abuse, and some people and organizations still hold onto harmful stereotypes, such as that abuse doesn't happen to people like them, that abuse is a private family matter so others shouldn’t get involved or offer support, or that abuse is easy to simply “get over” after the relationship ends. With all of these forces at play, it is important for any community support resources that desire to center survivors to make an intentional, clear decision to commit to having this focus. Even for informal support systems, friends and family members can commit to prioritizing the unique needs and experiences of their loved one in their efforts to offer support. Commitment 2: Committing to prioritizing safety by adopting a trauma-informed lens at every level of your organization. In recent years, there has been a growing emphasis on using a trauma-informed approach in community-based services, such as healthcare, mental health, and educational settings. One useful resource for an introduction to the guiding principles of trauma-informed care can be found in this infographic from the CDC. Safety is the first of these guiding principles, and it is important for community supports to maintain a focus on physical and emotional safety when offering support to survivors in their healing journey. This includes the safety of survivors, as well as the safety of any individuals who are providing support. Vicarious trauma and secondary traumatic stress can occur for people when they’re in a position to help someone who has faced the trauma of abuse, so it’s critical for helpers to care for their own well-being and safety as well. Commitment 3: Committing to taking a long-range view rather than a short-term plan of action. Being survivor-centered isn’t a quick item on a to-do list. A commitment to being survivor-centered is not a one-time decision or short-term plan of action. Instead, adopting a survivor-centered approach is an ongoing process that, in essence, community helpers can consider adopting from this point forward. This long-range view also helps community supports know that they don’t need to make a complete overhaul to everything they do all at once, but instead can view their survivor-centered approach as one that will grow and evolve over the course of time. Commitment 4: Committing to making steps forward through survivor-centered support. A useful framework for improving supporters' responsiveness to survivors' needs can be found in the practice of "continual quality improvement." A simple definition of continual quality improvement (CQI) from Smartsheet.com is that CQI is a “philosophy that encourages all team members, including board members, volunteers, and employees, to continuously ask what can be done better.” For community supports striving to become increasingly survivor-centered in their approaches, this means identifying priority areas in which changes can be made, and then identifying specific actions and tasks that they can take. For example, steps that community supports could take to become more survivor-centered include seeking professional training, working to improve policies and practices, developing feedback systems to better understand the needs of survivors, and seeking opportunities for survivors to share their stories and experiences to inform supportive services and resources. Commitment 5: Committing to reflective practice and actively tracking outcomes to enhance organizational development. A commitment to reflective practice means building in ways to examine progress toward becoming more survivor-centered, including identifying what is working well, what is not working, what barriers have come up, and how the community context has evolved over time to impact the needs and experiences of survivors. For formal community response systems, this may include implementing formal needs assessments and program evaluation strategies to track the outcomes of services over time. For friends and family members who are offering informal support to survivors, this may look like taking time for self-reflection to consider how the support they are offering is impacting the survivor, as well as their own personal well-being. Commitment 6: Committing to paying it forward through collaborative, systems-change efforts. Once an organization, community-based professional, or community member supporting a loved one has increased their knowledge, skills, and strategies to offer survivor-centered support, they may have or create opportunities to help other organizations or individuals do the same thing. This might look like helping other organizations or individuals that aren’t as far along for you or identifying needed advocacy efforts to address barriers that survivors are facing. Individuals and organizations that have taken a long-term, survivor-centered approach can become leaders in affecting system-level changes that are needed to continue to make communities more supportive of survivors of abuse. In this way, community supports that commit to becoming more survivor-centered have an opportunity to be part of a ripple effect toward broader positive changes. Conclusion Community supports--including organizations, services, systems, and informal social networks--can play a major role in supporting survivors on their journey to healing and recovering from past abuse. On the other hand, those community supports that lack information and tools about how to provide caring, competent support can become a barrier to survivors’ healing. Every community support is unique and has its own starting point in the long-term process of building and maintaining a survivor-centered approach. Remember: The journey to creating survivor-centered communities is dynamic, and every contribution - big or small - plays a role in this transformative process. Stay connected to this blog for additional information and resources to strengthen your organization’s and/or your personal commitment to offering survivor-center support. |
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