Asking Open-Ended Questions to Better Understand Survivors’ Needs

By Christine Murray

One of our main goals for The Source for Survivors is to help the supporters (e.g., professionals, friends, family members, and coworkers) surrounding survivors of intimate partner violence take a survivor-centered approach. As I wrote in this early Pathway for Community Supports blog post, there are at least 4 key ingredients to a survivor-centered approach:

• Understanding survivors’ needs, experiences, and perspectives.
• Prioritizing survivors’ needs, experiences, and perspectives in the ways you offer support.
• Empowering survivors to lead the way through all phases of their healing journeys.
• Engaging survivors by “making space at the table” for them whenever possible.

I believe most supporters truly want to bring a survivor-centered approach to their interactions with survivors. Yet, some barriers and challenges can come up and make it difficult to fully carry out this approach, such as during moments when you feel unsure of what to say or do.

The process of healing from an abusive relationship can be lengthy and complicated. If supporters get frustrated or impatient as we’re supporting someone in that journey, we might get tempted to jump in and impose our opinions or advice.

Of course, there may be times when offering advice is warranted, and sometimes supporters may need to be more direct in expressing their concern for the survivor, such as if there are imminent safety risks or there are mandated reporting requirements to consider (e.g., if children are in harm’s way and a call to Child Protective Services is required).

A helpful tool for keeping survivors’ needs and experiences at the center of our support is to focus on asking open-ended questions and maintaining curiosity to continue learning about their experiences. Open-ended questions lead to more expansive responses, in contrast to closed-ended questions, which tend to lean toward “yes,” “no,” or other brief responses.

While open-ended questions aren’t a fail-safe fix in every situation, they can be valuable communication tools to help supporters approach conversations with survivors with an open mind.

Tips for Using Open-Ended Questions:

1. Start with Open-Ended Prompts: Be mindful of the words you use to start your questions. Starting with prompts like “Who,” “What,” or “How” can encourage more open-ended responses.
2. Avoid Leading Questions: Be cautious about leading questions that bias or guide the survivor toward your point of view.
3. Take Ownership of Your Views: When sharing personal opinions or experiences, clearly state that these are your viewpoints and encourage the survivor to make decisions based on what's meaningful to them.
4. Ask Gentle Follow-Up Questions: Respect boundaries and comfort levels, but ask gentle follow-up questions to gain a deeper understanding.
5. Maintain a Curious and Non-Judgmental Attitude: Convey curiosity, respect, and empathy throughout your conversations.

Remaining survivor-centered is an important priority when offering support to someone who is healing from a past abusive relationship. Being survivor-centered is a mindset that supporters can bring to life by using communication tools like open-ended questions, as well as by conveying an attitude of curiosity and compassion through their words and actions. 

Incorporating open-ended questions into your conversations with survivors is a powerful way to honor their experiences and needs. Remember, active listening, empathy, and non-judgmental attitudes are essential. By embracing survivor-centered approaches, we can help to foster spaces of healing, empowerment, and genuine support.