Supporting a Survivor Who is Facing Financial Barriers

By Christine Murray

Last week, on the Pathways for Survivors Blog, I wrote about the significance of financial empowerment in the healing journey for many survivors of abusive relationships. This theme is a central focus of our recent book, Financial Abuse Recovery: Healing and Empowerment After Surviving an Abusive Relationship, which I co-authored with Eileen Martin. Today, I want to expand on this topic by offering related information for those who are supporting survivors—whether as family members, friends, professionals, or community leaders.

Understanding the Financial Impact of Abuse

Financial barriers often create significant challenges for survivors, even if these challenges aren’t immediately visible. Survivors may not openly discuss financial struggles, as money-related issues can bring up feelings of shame or vulnerability. However, financial challenges are common among survivors, stemming from experiences like:

• Financial abuse during the relationship (e.g., controlling the survivor’s income, taking out debt in the survivor’s name).
• Legal costs related to custody disputes, asset division, or frivolous lawsuits initiated by the abuser.
• Career or educational sacrifices made during the relationship, which limited the survivor’s earning potential.
• Emotional abuse that diminished the survivor’s confidence in managing finances or pursuing opportunities.

Even if a survivor hasn’t shared their financial struggles, it’s helpful to keep in mind the potential for these challenges and approach the topic with sensitivity.

Offering Intentional, Caring Support 

If a survivor discloses financial challenges—or if you sense these might be impacting their healing—consider your role and capacity to help. Here are ways to support:

Ask Open-Ended Questions: Start with questions like, “How are you doing financially since the relationship ended?” or “Have you noticed any financial impacts from your experiences?” These questions can provide insight while respecting the survivor’s comfort level.

Explore Practical Support Options: Depending on your relationship and resources, you might:

• Help with immediate needs, such as childcare costs or covering a bill.
• Assist in connecting them with community resources, such as nonprofit organizations, job skills training, or housing assistance.
• If appropriate and you have the means: Offer financial support as a gift (without expectation of repayment) or a loan (with clear, written terms to clarify expectations and protect the relationship).

Educate Yourself: Familiarize yourself with the dynamics of financial abuse and the broader financial challenges survivors may face, such as medical bills, housing costs, or legal fees. This knowledge can enhance your ability to offer informed and empathetic support.

Connect Them with Resources: Resources are available to help survivors rebuild their financial stability. For a curated list of financial support organizations and tools, visit our book’s website: https://www.sourceforsurvivors.info/financialabuse. Additionally, you can help the survivor explore local resources that address their specific needs.

Balancing Realism and Encouragement

As a supporter, your encouragement can be a lifeline. Remind the survivor that they are capable and deserving of a brighter financial future. At the same time, avoid toxic positivity and glossing over the significance of financial challenges. Instead, you can acknowledge the reality of financial barriers while fostering hope. Supportive affirmations like, “It’s natural to feel overwhelmed, but brighter days are ahead,” can help strike this balance.

The Power of Support

Your role as a supporter for the survivor(s) you know is vital. Survivors often describe the immense value of having someone to lean on during challenging times. Whether you provide financial guidance, a listening ear, or a connection to resources, your support can make a powerful difference along their healing journey.

For survivors navigating financial barriers, healing can feel daunting, but with the right support, brighter days are possible. Your compassion and presence remind them that they are not alone on this journey.